I just remembered something I read a while back that author's do when they want to be notified when their manuscripts have been received. They enclose (besides for the SASE for returning the ms) a stamped self-addressed post card. The editor just pops it in with the rest of the outgoing mail from the office and bingo....you know they got the ms without any pesky certified mail.

I read a quote one time by an editor that said he read a ms once that he probably would have passed over simply because the stamps on the return SASE were paper-clipped on, instead of permanently affixed. It intrigued him that the author was so confident in his work that he knew he wouldn't be getting the ms back, and wanted the editor to be able to use the stamps instead of adhering them to what would have been a wasted envelope. The editor did, in fact, send back the ms, but the stamp trick got the guy read, where otherwise he might not have been. Just thought that was interesting. :-)

BANKY - there are different reasons why folks write I guess. I only recently began writing, oh maybe six or seven years ago. Why did I start? Well I was in Voc Rehab going to college for the first time in my life, and studying Law for paralegals. We were required to take the basic college load in addition to our legal studies, and of course we had to take English Composition 101. I discovered that, first of all, I could write, and secondly it made me feel good and provided a means for me to escape.

At that time I needed to escape as my career was pulled from under my feet due to an accident, my kids were of the age that they needed mom and dad's help to get out of the minor scrapes they encountered growing up. Workers Comp and Social Security were standing back to see what my doctors were going to do, meanwhile I was without pay. The federal government was foreclosing on my home because I was behind on payments (FmHA).

I still write for some of those reasons, in fact just today I got a letter from IRS telling me that since the Fed sold my house for less then it was worth, they were keeping my income tax refund of a little over $800.00, money that we were counting on to catch up on some bills.

Now that I have been a writer for some time, I find that characters come to live in my head and torment me daily until I sit at my computer and allow them to escape onto the page. I write because it gives me a sense of self worth, that I am giving something back to the world that has given me so much.

Last summer I was walking through the campground at Fort Lincoln near Bismarck ND, and looking at the huge campers belonging to those who make much more money then I ever will now that I am living on the fixed income of Social Security and Workers Comp. A idea hit me, all I have to do is write one good best seller, and I can own one of those instead of the twenty five year old camper we pull behind my ten year old pickup. Now all I have to do is start that best seller and have it published by next summer and my dream can become a reality.

Jerry

MARY: WOW!!!! Good story. Loved the ending, it was certainly unexpected. Can't say anything more, I may give away some stuff.
Trying to think of a title too.

I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!

Got behind in the posts again ~sheesh~

BEN: Funny, while I was reading your post about wearing a hat, I WAS wearing a hat - and I don't wear hats, which makes this a rather bizarre coincidence.
It's not a stylish hat though, it's one of those raffia numbers - like you care. :-)

BANKY: If you have an itch, you just gotta scratch it. That's why I write.
Welcome!!!!!!

MARY: That story is for yet another competition. There really are quite a lit going here. I just hadn't a clue where to find them.

RHODA: I agree with you re; the submissions.

Hello to all new and not so new and downright old folk here at the BIG 'N'.
Bye to all above. I've really got to go and do some stuff.

Mary - your story is excellent! I'm thinking on the title....



:o)

Heather

Katrina-My knowledge of 1940s medicine is very limited, although I did write a detective novel set in the 40s. It was actually easier than setting the novel in the present day because DNA analysis and forensics are a little confusing to me, even though I watch just about every forensic science show on television. I can tell there were no paramedics in the 1940s and I don't think ambulance attendants were trained in first aid or life saving techniques. Antibiotics were a pretty recent development also. Wish I could be more help. I enjoy writing mysteries set in the 20s, 30s and 40s. I know a lot about popular culture of that period. It helps having an MA in history.

Banky, I don't know how to answer that question either. I just like to write. That's what I tell people. I get questions like that at work sometimes because I often write on my breaks or when I have to punch in. Sometimes I get more writing done at work than at home. Probably cause I hate my job and it allows me to escape the drudgery even for a few minutes. Personally I don't feel the need to answer the question as to why I write. I just do.

Taff, that really must have sucked to lose all that info. I think you should continue to write the story. Try to do just a little every day. Eventually the story will start to flow. You never know, what you produce now might be better.
I've been lucky that never happened to me, partly because I do all my first and second drafts in longhand. That sounds crazy I know, but I've never been very comfortable writing on the computer. I almost had a similar disaster several years ago. I went down to the computer lab on the campus of Central Michigan University where I was a graduate student, to print out a copy of my thesis, because my printer at home at the time wasn't letter quality. Anyway, I picked up a computer virus which wiped out my thesis on my two discs. Fortunately I had a copy on the hard drive at home. I still shudder to think about that near disaster.

Well, I've babbled on enough for today.

SusanS

Viv - I got it at school. The guy with the birthday is Flipino and so is his girlfriend and his girlfriend made lumpia and brought it in. I think it was pork lumpia but I'm not sure.
There are about 3 different places here that sell lumpia because there are a lot of Filipino people here. So it's easy to get it. I love lumpia. :)
I would send you some but...no it wouldn't get rotten it would get eaten before I reached the post office. :)
*smiles*
Allein

Debra: "Let's all go to the movies, let's all go to the movies, (repeat) ...and get ourselves a treat."
Walking popcorn and soda cups, etc.

Mary, I would LOVE to meet you! October. Hmmmm - calendar is empty so far, with the exception of Halloween! BUT I hate driving to T.O... but it'll be worth the harrowing, lip-bitten moments and ramrod swerve-and-bird drivers. Really! I'll remember to tape up my middle finger just for the highway 401 occasion.
Going to read your story now!

Heather

HEATHER: I have been trying to email you the story, but my email account is down and I can't even get to my address book.

It's posted in the short story workbook. After some of the comments I have received so far today, I feel a little more comfortable with posting it now. It's not titled as yet, so any comments about the story, or suggestions for a title are more than welcome. It's only a little over a thousand words...quick read.

VIV: It's in the Workbook, Short story section. :-)

Allein- Ohhhhh yummy. Where'd you get the lumpia? I really want some right now and it's not even 7:00 AM. Isn't that weird, one word can spark such and intense wish for something! What kind of lumpia are you eating, shrimp, beef, vegetable or pork?

Mary- I want to read your story too but I can't find it. Where is it? I seem to be missing something because I'm not finding any current short stories in the notebook. I was wondering what happened to Barnabas because he's always got a new one in the Notebook. I like reading Heather's work too and it's not there. Are you guys talking about another place you posted or did I miss something when Jack did the site renovation?

Just as you are taking mothers and children from your writing, I'm taking out any reference to Japan. It is a little frustrating but interesting. I'm going about it by making fuzzy backgrounds and filling them in with a lot of characters and talk. I want to write using "Anywhere'sville" because then people can feel like it's MY town/My experience.

Taff Harris: I know what you are doing! Stop thinking about how good the old stuff was. You'd revised that old stuff you'd written several times. Begin by simply thinking about what you want to write. Start like you are starting from scratch. Trust yourself. YOU CAN DO IT! The end product will be better. This time if you loose the attitude that the old was better, you will find that it will go easier because you have experience and you've thought out your research.

This loosing stuff happens to everyone. It's depressing but the reality is that you learn you CAN do it again. Right now you are just scared. Don't be. You have that talent & experience in your fingertips. Start NOW by just getting the first 3 chapters roughed out. Then take yourself out to coffee in a nice public place because they'll look bad to you and you'll want to just scream, cry, pull the covers over your head. Realize that all it takes is to revise those chapters, just like the first time you did it.

Start in with the red pen and rewrite it all right there in the coffee shop. Get up the next morning and rewrite again. Once you have the first five chapters back you'll be writing again. It WILL NOT be the same. You can't do that. Thank God you aren't a Xerox machine. It will come out better although you might not feel that way at the time. Once in a while you do find a copy of the original and you look at it and compare it to your new stuff and say...."Wow, I was wrong. This old stuff is really terrible."

Hang in there. And don't believe everything about the perfection of copy and back up. I've done that too and invariably, the disc is missing, blank, or damaged. Life is messy. Things screw up. The only thing constant is the fact that you have that talent in your fingertips. If you hang in there, you will just get better and better. These foul ups are the things that make you versatile. You can't really write until you've lost stuff a million times and rewritten it. It sure hurts though. Everyone here can sympathize!

Post what you write as you go and we can all encourage you.

Viv

Allein- Ohhhhh yummy. Where'd you get the lumpia? I really want some right now and it's not even 7:00 AM. Isn't that weird, one word can spark such and intense wish for something! What kind of lumpia are you eating, shrimp, beef, vegetable or pork?

Mary- I want to read your story too but I can't find it. Where is it? I'm also trying to write about things other than just my daily life. I want to get away from this "Japan-setting" monotony. I want to do things based in places where people actually READ books in English for fun and not for study. The problem is, I haven't seen Australia, I saw England twice in a big hurry, I have never seen Canada except for a ferry trip to Vancouver for a couple hours, and America is extremely fuzzy. It is a little frustrating but I'm going about it by making fuzzy backgrounds and filling them in with a lot of characters and talk. I want to write using "Anywhere'sville" because then people can feel like it's MY town/My experience.

Taff Harris: I know what you are doing! Stop thinking about how good the old stuff was. You'd revised that several times. Begin by simply thinking about what you want to write just start like you are starting from scratch. This time it will go easier because you have experience and you've done the research. This loosing stuff happens to everyone. It's depressing but the reality is that as you do it again, you learn you CAN do it again. Right now you are just scared. Don't be. You have that talent & experience in your fingertips. Start by just getting the first 3 chapters roughed out. Then take yourself out to coffee in a nice public place because they'll look bad to you and you'll want to just scream, cry, pull the covers over your head. Realize that all it takes is to revise those chapters, just like the first time you did it.

Start in with the red pen and rewrite it all right there. Get up the next morning and rewrite again. Once you have the first five chapters back you'll be writing again. It WILL NOT be the same. You can't do that. Thank God you aren't a Xerox machine. It will come out better although you might not feel that way at the time. Once in a while you do find a copy of the origional and you look at it and compare it to your new stuff and say...."Wow, I was wrong. This old stuff is really terrible."

Hang in there. And don't believe everything about the perfection of copy and back up. I've done that too and invariably, the disc is missing, blank, or damaged. Life is messy. Things screw up. The only thing constant is the fact that you have that talent in your fingertips.

Post what you write as you go and we can all encourage you.

Viv

Christi and Rhoda: Glad I'm not the only unethical writer in the business. All jokes aside, several well-published authors have advised aspiring writers to submit, submit and submit, thereby ignorning the simultaneous bit. The chances that two houses will want your work at the same time are very small. From most of the responses I have received from editors, I don't feel I owe them a thing. That's not to say I haven't had a few very nice replies, but they are certainly in the minority.

Debra: Hope I don't come across as a hard old gal with a negative attitude. I have paid a certain amount of dues to hold the opinions I do.

Anyone:

I'm trying to remember the little jingles from the drive in's. Remember them? They were so cool with the walking food an the corny music. If anyone remembers some of the words let me know.

Kitty or anyone:

As far as linear is concerned, I think I would just take my chances if I decided to send out more than one manuscript at a time. I find myself really impatient at times and on other occasions not. So I might just play it by ear. If I start feeling cagey, I'll send it out again to someone else. That's the plan, at the moment. I do have three young adult books finished. The third one is finished as far as a publisher seeing what is all about, but I add more stuff on a daily basis. So if anyone wanted to see it I could send it out, but I would have to sit down and really finsih up adding all the little thoughts that are still left. That wouldn't be a problem if I ever got a bite.

I'm really extited at the moment because I just got Stephen King's new book about writing. I cant' wait to tear into that. I'm just counting the minutes until the kids go to bed.


Mary:
By the way, we do have a lot in common, because I just started a short story that has nothing to do with women or mothers or kids. I want to expand. That's what your story is all about for you. Right? You did it so well too!


Debra

HEATHER: If you were worried about people thinking you were creepy about your loneliness shortie, then you know how relieved I am that nobody is freaking out about my story. :-)

Yes, I have never seen a publisher who liked simult. subs. either.

I am going to be in Toronto for three days this coming October...the beginning of the third week I believe. Anybody around there care to toss a few back and chew some cud with me? I am pretty sure that no matter what country I go to, I am legal age to drink...sighs. But seriously, I would just love to meet some of you guys...let me know. :-)

Mary: Yes, indeed, you are right. If the publisher states that they accept simult subs, then I would not hesitate. Of the publishers on my top ten list (most compatable) none of them accept simult subs, however! During my research on publishers I noticed that only about 1 of 30 accepted simult subs. Simult subs. I kind of like that short form.

About your story, Mary, SEND IT ON!!! I'm surprised nobody thought I was being creepy when they read my loneliness shortie.

About the linear approach (Kitty, I think this is in response to your post) I agree wholeheartedly to get as much product out there as possible. I wouldn't consider it simultaneous if what I was sending was not multiple copies of the same ms. Good idea to make that cut and dried!

Oh, and I'm from Ontario, South Western area. About an hour from Toronto. I remember you saying you were from Quebec - what an incredible province. I have loved every one of my visits there.

Rachel! Thanks for giving Sebastian's toes special kisses for me! I am beginning to think that the whole world must have a foot fetish. Nothing else explains it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~distraction break~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My veiled chameleon (Cosimo) is farting around in the ficus tree behind me as I'm typing and his rustling is distracting me. Any minute his little feet will find carpet and he'll be escaping again. His favourite hangout, besides the tree in the front window, is to become partially wedged inside my printer. Go figure: It's a colour printer and he's colourful. How he gets up on my desk is a tricky matter - he climbs the cables and cords in back of the computer and shimmies onto the desk! I just hope he gets too big to hide in there soon so I don't accidentally print him to death.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~break over

Welcome BANKY: I write because the characters and their stories will not leave me alone until they've been expressed. And because I LOVE IT. But, if no other words come to mind, "Because" is always a good reply!

TAFF: I have been there. The exact spot. Here are the defining questions: Do the characters still come to life in your mind? Do they still have a story to tell? If you answered yes to both of those Q's, start again. Start now. But be very careful to back everything up on disk, and print it out every time you add a new page or so (or just print the new page if you haven't changed anything ahead of the new section). I save my novel on four disks, four places on my harddrive, and in paper form. I know that sounds labourious, but believe me, it's worth it. At the very least you still have a copy to re-type from. Chin up! You may find, as I did, that the story comes out far better the second time around. If this is redundant, forgive me!

Off now,
Heather

Ah poopy. Mary, I had a whole note written for you and it disappeared. Not that it was a work of genius or anything. Your story was fantastic. I've emailed you. I read it for enjoyment, not even thinking of critiquing. I never critique unless asked to.
PS Bet if you ran a check of my posts you'd find that they take up 50% of the notebook right now! =) I'm shutting up after this one.

Kitty, Ahhhh. (Heaven's gates opening--light pouring into my brain.) I had not thought of a letter informing of your acceptance. Still, wouldn't that make things even more difficult for the editor, having to hold onto the letter until they come across your manuscript? I'm not trying to be difficult here, I really want to know!
And I agree with you all the way that there's nothing wrong with having as many manuscripts out there as a writer wants. All the better! I actually prefer to send several things out at a time; it makes me feel more productive and like I have more of a chance of actually selling something.

Another thing ... sorry. I hear that editors don't appreciate recieving manuscripts by certified mail. For the life of me I can't figure out why.

Hey Rhoda, Nah, I never thought of editors as The Almighty. I guess I just put myself in their position and think about how hard their jobs are. (And how fun, I would think) I don't know why I've heard such terrible things about simultanious submitting, only that I have. But you're right. Reverence is out the door. We deserve some respect too, eh? :)

Hugs for Rachel and Sebastian. Thanks for the updates, Rachel, I love them!

Going for a while. Getting a life.

Christi

Rachel - Is Sebastian sleeping through the night still - that's great. My parents said I used to wake them up every few hours. Actually, after the first couple of days, my dad said he didn't wake up but my mom did and if I didn't cry about on schedule my mom would come over thinking something was wrong.
I was tempted to get a sleeper for Sebastian I saw that said "Party, my crib, 3:00AM" but I didn't know what size he would be and baby clothes are SO expensive. I can't believe these people who buy expensive Tommy Hilfiger and Calvin Kline baby clothes when the kids are going to grow out of them.
Now, burlap sacks, those come in all sizes - those are perfect. I'd wear a burlap sack 24/7 if I could. Just kidding. :)
Actually, if I could, I'd wear pajamas all day. I can't wait until I can wear my scrubs all day - scrubs are SOOO comfortable.

Anyone hear about the new rule up in Canada? I'm not sure if it's true but I heard because they have so many underage USA kids going across the border to drink (because I think in Canada the drinking age is 18 or 19) now if they find that you're from the US, and you're underage and drinking or attempting to drink, they'll get you for that now because I guess they got sick of Americans coming into their county, getting loaded and then trying to cross the border. Actually, I hear they're taking drinking and going by whatever law your county has so it means if you're from Germany, you can drink when you're 15 and they can't touch you. Europe is a lot more liberal about drinking than we are over here. And they don't have a big drinking problem either.
Why so much about this - a guy in my class just turned 21, but I doubt he'd go out and get drunk because he's not that kind of guy.

I'm eating lumpia. :)
*smiles*
Allein

Mary:

What a story. It was the first time I ever in my life started to see things through the eyes of a person who likes rough sex. I really don't get that. Anyway, I felt her through the whole story. I saw him and was right there.

When it became apparent that her children had suffered for her sins I was just floored.

Nice. I hope you do something with that. There is a huge audience for that stuff and yours is right up there with the great ones.

You are a true writer.

Debra

MARY: Wow. I'm blown away.

Sorry, Mary and Kitty.

Kitty,

That Mary post was for you.

Christi,

Regarding your senerio: In such a case you have signed on the dotted line and your story has been bought by Publisher A. Rather than being mad, Publisher B will be beating his head on his desk wishing that he had been quicker to respond. Unless you get them in legal trouble or do something totally unprofessional like don't make your deadlines or talk badly about them behind their backs, editors do not get that spiteful. They understand that what they do is a business. They are usually fair-minded enough to realize that they hold out hope to people all the time only to reject them at that last moment. So here is your book doing nothing productive for months. Editors do understand.

Some editors do like you to be upfront and to tell them in advance that you are submitting to other houses simutaneously. I have heard several different editor panels, and this question often comes up. I have never heard an editor admit that they get angry at simultaneous submissions. If they like the book enough, they don't care how you sent it out or who you sent it to.

Incidently if the above book becomes a best seller and you believe that Publisher B is the better house to sign with, Publisher B will be more than happy to forgive if they believe your books will enhance the quality of their line and the guantity of their profits. These people are not that proud.

I think attitude is everything here. It is important that a writer conduct him/herself as a professional and follow the norms and standards of the business, but there is a tendency to look up to these editors as if they are messengers from God condescending to us when they show interest in our work. I think it is for this reason that so many authors settle for bad contracts and practically give their work away for free. And so many writers are so careful to do everything the right way. I have met people who did everything wrong and got published. One lady did not even know she wasn't supposed to call editors when she was calling editors and plugging her book. Only after she sold one did she find out. Would she have sold that first one if she had done everything by the book? Perhaps not.

Mary,

The travel plans are now not to go to Northern Scotland. There is too much driving involved from site to site. In as short time as we have, we thought we would go where things are closer together such as lowland Scotland. I am trying to interest the other ladies into an excursion into Northern Wales so we can see the ruins of Maelgwn of Gwynedd's stonghold of Deganwy. I have seen pictures on the internet, and this place looks really cool. Also here we are close to Snowdonia National park, and there are a lot of historical places of interest in this part of Wales. A town full of bookstores would be wonderful. I will have to pass that information on to the others.

As far as my history with submissions, the first one I sent to Dorchester took almost a year, but the rejection notice was very nice. It was written by the editor's assistant and it told me in very general terms why they were not interested in the book, but judging by the content of the letter, I was assured someone had actually read the submission. My second submission to them was about two months faster because one of their editors had requested it after I talked to him at a writer's conference. Simon and Schuster requested one and took eight months with it. There again I got a very nice rejection letter. St. Martins was the fastest. After requesting my three chapters and synopsis, they wrote back within a month.

I later sent queries to Simon and Schuster and to St. Martin's about another book, and within a month got very impersonal, terse form rejections. I doubt that either letter got to the editor I had addressed it to.

BTW: Query letters are faster. You can send a query letter to anyone, even to a house that claims only to take agented material. An acquaintance of mine did that and ended up with a three book contract from Signet, UNAGENTED. So, do not believe everything you read. Just do what makes sense and if you think you have written the best book since WAR AND PEACE, act like you have written the best book since WAR AND PEACE.

Do not cower in fear before these people!!!

Rhoda

BANKY: I write because if I didn't, the conversations in my head would drive me insane and everyone around me. It's also nice to escape to another city for a few hours a day and delve into someone else's life with all it's ups, downs, and sideways(es). Hard to put into words - haha - I should have a character do it for me - they're so much more eloquent than I.

TAFF: I would begin my putting those thoughts that are floating around in your head on paper - however intangible they may be. Sometimes (I write mystery/thriller romances) I see one thing that sparks me to write a note that by the time I'm finished, I have the very sketchy basic premise of a novel down in my notebook. I filled 3 pages after seeing a dumpster in a parking lot of a seedy motel one day when I took a wrong turn.

MARY: RESEND! Please! I accidentally deleted. *sniff* then I emailed you and you didn't respond. AOL does not like YAHOO.

Hallee

KITTY: Wasn't me with the three completed books, but I can tell you one thing. If I did have three completed books, they would all be out there looking for jobs at the same time.

Provocative? Well, you know what they say. Bad publicity is better than no publicity. I will send that story to your email right now. :-)

Thanks.

Simultaneous and Linear submissions: "Simultaneous submissions" refers to one manuscript being shopped to several publishing houses at the same time. When I used the phrase "linear" I was referring to having a number of completed projects and whether you only send one out at a time and wait till it is bought or returned (linear) or do you send all of them out, more or less at the same time (a multitude of offerings ). Mary wrote that she had three completed young adult novels, if I recall correctly. What I wanted to know was whether all three had been sent out or was she waiting to hear about the first one before sending out another. It would seem advantageous to get your product out to the buyers as soon as it is ready and if you had more than one item for sale, you would have a greater chance to make a sale. I cannot see any conflict in having three different manuscripts on the market at the same time. Or does that make sense?

Christi: Hi! Having accepted an offer to publish your book, are you not obligated ASAP then to inform anyone else who might be looking at the manuscript that you are withdrawing it for consideration? There's probably an article in Writer's Digest that outlines the "etiquette" of simultaneous submissions. It seems to be done more and more these days.

Rhoda: A year! When you sent it, did you pay the extra dollar to have someone sign for it at the other end? At least then you know it arrived.
Have you finalized your trip details? I just ran across some information about a town in Wales that is famous for the number of bookstores there relative to the populace: 1,350 people and 35 bookstores in town, 4 more on the outskirts. Bibliophile heaven. Of course, you would have to bring an extra, reinforced suitcase just for the books.

Heather: Hi! Where in Canada?

Katrina: If you live where there is a college/university with a medical school, call their library (look in the phone book, call general information for the school then ask to be transferred or get the approriate#) and ask a librarian to help you find books on the history of medicine, be specific about what you are looking for. Or call your local library and ask the same of the librarian. Librarians are experts at research and can be very helpful. Are you working on something to do with WWII? I seem to recall hearing dialogue along the lines of "Medic! Medic! We need a medic here!" in those great old films about WWII. The medic was usually some young, earnest young man from the Midwest with 50-50 odds of making it through to the end of the film.

Mary: How provocative! Will curiousity kill the Kitty? I'll take a nibble, cautiously.

Banky: Hmmmm..... Because that is what I do. No mystery. Why did Hillary climb Everest. Next time someone asks you may want to respond "Why not?" or "I write therefore I am."

Taff: the mantra is: "Back up copy, back up copy, back up copy" repeated over and over everytime you sit at the computer. This seems to be a lesson we all have to learn the hard way. Get back to the computer and start typing down those ideas. Just don't forget the mantra: Back up copy, back up copy..."

Ben: Message received.

Kitty

CHRISTI, DEBRA and HALLEE: I have already changed a few lines of that story since I sent it to you. I can't wait to see if they are the same ones any of you comment on.

Heather - I love baby feet too! I always kiss and nibble away at them. I could just eat them up! I'll give an extra kiss to Sebastians' baby feet for you (grins). His feet aren't really that tiny. He has these adorable, long, thin, flop about feet. In the hospital he and my first son were called 'big foot' People always want to look at my kids feet. I think they whole world my have a foot fettish (grins and laughter)!

Take care you,

Rachel

Hi Taff, My suggestion would be to hang out here for a while. There are many fabulous people here with advice to die for.
Your book will most likely be better for this in the end, if you stick to it. Most here who've lost material, rewrote, then found the old copy later like the new version better!

Good luck,

Christi

BANKY: I write for sanity. Mine and everyone around me! :-) I write to escape, I write to get thoughts out of my head, I write because there aren't that many things I am good at, so I jump on something if I am. Most importantly, I write because I love to. Nice to meet you, and welcome.

Me too, Mary! I'd love to give it a read.

Dear Banky, What a great question and a great way to ask it. My short answer (because I'm in such a hurry) is that I write for different reasons at different times. Probably the over-all reason is because I have to. Or I would go insane. And drive everyone else insane with my questions and ruminations.

Simple and boring. Now you've got me questioning what the real answer is.

HELP... new to this site (excellent by the way), I'm an enthusiastic, if not very good aspiring writer, I am in a quandary. Two months ago My computer went pfzzzzzzzttt and wiped all the contents of my hard drive, stored there were my research notes and the first (rough) couple of chapters to my, what I hoped, would be my first attempt. Now I still have all the idease bouncing around my skull but I am experiencing a total block when I try to metaphorically put pen to paper.

What can I do? I don't want to forget it because no doubt I will end up kicking myself in years to come for not at least attempting to write it.


All help greatly appreciated

MARY: I'll bite. :)

Hey all. I'm new to all this so if the following has already been discussed then please let me know in a gentle manner.

I was in a bar the other day and since it was quiet I found myself a seat in the corner. I was doing a little spot clean on an old short story when this guy came over and asked what I was doing. I told him and we had a pleasant enough conversation about it, then he wandered off to go play with the juke box. But during the conversation he had asked me why I write. I'll be honest, I didn't know what answer to give. I'd never actually thought about "why" I write, I just sort of do it.

The question planted itself firmly in my mind and made me think about exactly why I do it. After some struggle I did manage to come up with some answers but they all seemed more like poor excuses than anything else. It was like all I could come up with was reasons to justify what I was doing and to make it valid, but no actual reasons as to why I write.

So, good people, here's the question. Why do we do what we do. Why do we write. What is it that drives us to lock ourselves away for periods of time and to live inside our heads.

Like I said at the start, if this has already been asked then please let me know. If it hasn't then... What you got?

Toodles.

DEBRA: I thought I had your email addy in my book, but I don't so I guessed. I was pretty close too, but no cigar. I just went through the archives to get it and I sent it to dpalardy@home.net......shoulda been .com. Will send again now.

Mary:

Looking forward to it. I got to run.

You can't lose me. I'm like a bad penny.

Debra

DEBRA: Somehow, I knew you would bite, but I am afraid that if you read it you won't want to be my friend anymore! Haha. I will send it to your email...but I warn you now, it is not a nice story.

Mary:

I'd love to read it, but I'm running out right now. Post it, who knows maybe I can get back early enough to read it. All I know is I'm sure it will be brilliant.

Debra

Not "here" as in Notebook, "here" as in Workbook. :-)

I finished a short story this morning that was intended to be my shortie for Thursday's 'Mercy', but then I didn't show the mercy and changed the ending. I want to post it in the Workbook, but it is undebatedly an adult story. (No, not because of sexual content). My question is, would anybody please read it for me and let me know what you think? Or should I post it here with this as my disclaimer to read at your own risk? Let me know if you want it and I will send it via email. Thanks in advance. ~~see ya

HEATHER: I am with you on the submissions topic. Exception: If a publisher openly accepts simultaneous submissions.

TEEKAY: Whatcha doin' with that last story you sent me? How's it going?

Hi CHRISTI!

im wwriting a werewolf story, keep an eye out for City Wolf

though the other one that i started, its probably gonna stay unpublished is a romance novel about this guy who sings on cruises, his guitarist friend, his competition. and about a woman of course, havent figured out what shes gonna be yet

Katrina: Hi! A great place to find out info such as you are seeking is to go to the library and go to the history section; you should be able to find a lot of books on the history of the medical profession including photos or drawings of the equipment.

At the hospital where I used to work there was a neat (if not scary) display area in the front foyer that had all the old 'tools' that the hospital's founding doctor owned and used. The scariest part was that he was an OB/GYN and those old tools from the late 1800's were indeed a fright for already nervous patients - imagine walking past those glass cases on the way to deliver your first-born? They had ancient stirrups and forceps and ...

nevermind. I'm making the guys green.

Not with envy, either.

Heather

Hey Christi! Hey everybody! Rachel, give Sebastian a kiss on each perfect toe for me, will you? I love babies' feet with a distinct fervor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~:)

On the submission topic:

I think I'm going to stick to the 'linear' method of submitting my work for the time being; I have a feeling that it won't take quite so long to hear back from a Canadian publisher as it did for Rhoda and others. The reason? My primary 'target' publisher only accepts work by Canadians. That narrows it down a bit, right out of the gate. I do realize there are thousands of submissions pouring into publishing house slush piles no matter the country or requirements; however, to go against my feeling is not a wise choice on my part. Done it before (oh, you don't wish to find out how often) and always regret it.
BUT I think it's great to see all the sides of the coin here. Simultaneous submissions seem to be so frowned on (esp in writer's market etc.) that I wouldn't want to take a chance YET. I may change my tune as well, when I've got mss' waiting through eternity for a thumb signal.

I feel badly that there are frustrated people with mss' out there and there hasn't been a word in a year or two. How do you deal with it? (That question is for anyone in Limbo, waiting on the big word)

By the way, I just readied my short story for submission to GlimmerTrain! I am mailing it this week! I'm excited; I'll have to take many saunas and beat myself with a rough loofa sponge (as is the Finnish custom) just to bear the waiting period. I am what I always considered quite patient. I have yet to truly test my patience for longevity when the context is awaiting acceptance or rejection. Here is my mountain. Pass me the gear. Quick.

Heather

P.S. Taylor, what are you writing? You gave us quite a wacky hint, but nothing concrete. Herein lies the mystery.

EDGAR, where did you go?

Began writing a different story than Im use to as a gift, as a treasurable gift I hope...
but boy its gonna be odd not having anyone killing anyone

teekay: that obvious huh?

Ben W: that does work, but it seems to be i dont know, cruel or something

Katrina: may have to ask the medical staff that, about medical equipment

finished reading an old mills & boon book called the Grooms Revenge, i've become picky about books though, and found the continuous use of the word, "had" to be quite annoying, and it seemed to push me, the reader, from the story... maybe its just me

Hi everyone, I was hoping for some help. I'm trying to write a story about a doctor from the 40's, but I really don't know much about the machines or techniques used back then. One particular question is, did they have paramedics? And if so, what were they able to do? Any help would be great if you could e-mail it to me!

Whoops! Hi Marylou, Rhoda, and Jerry too!

On simu-submissions: What about this scenario? Your manuscript is accepted, you sign on the dotted line, and then months later you receive another offer. Obviously you have to turn that publisher down, admitting that you've simu-submitted. I'd think that would piss the editor/publisher off and not want to see your name on their desk again.
How do you deal with this? Acceptions or rejections can come at any time.
My first rejection was mailed back to me in a week! (Actually, my only rejection. I'm still waiting to hear about the rest.)
I've only submitted to publishers one at a time, but I AM fairly new to submitting. Could be that I'll change my mind on down the line. Thanks to you all for your input.

Hey Heather, I'm right here! :) Thanks fer asking. Been a fast-paced weekend out here in the West. It's nice to finally kick off my shoes and relax.
Mmmmmm, potato chips. I adore kettle-cooked jalepeno and cheese, and salt and pepper chips. Who'd have ever thought that salt and pepper chips could be so yumpcious? Who brought up the chips? Eddie?

Speaking of Eddie--dear poor Ed, I've been thinking about you. Hang in there. In times like these I wish I could do something to help.

Americo, Ditto the above. Many warm wishes your way.

David ... I mean Teekay, (HEE!) I send lots of mousse and smokey, sexy eyeliner your way. I'll bet your haircut really looks gorgeous. It takes time to get used to a very-short haircut.

Great funnies, Allein!

OW! HARD, :( Another kissy for the finger. *smack!* I broke mine playing vollyball once. Didn't even know it until the game was over.

Hi Hallee, Did you actually say 4:15 in the MORNING? I didn't even know there WAS a 4:15 in the morning. There was a time when I didn't know there was a 9:00 in the morning. Sigh. I'm going to really try to get up earlier than my son (per your example), otherwise I don't know when I'll ever get some real writing time in.

I know, I know. "Try" is such a copout. Yoda says, "There is no try--only do, or do not." Words to live by.

Heya Mary.

Hi Ben, Kitty, Rosemary, Debra, Randall, Hop, Mr. Woozy.

Hugs for everyone! Especially those I'm sure to have missed.

Christi

Eddy - I can sympathise with you, although not on so great a scale, I do remember when Hog Colora hit on my dads farm, I must have been about 6 or 7 years old. The vet came and inspected, then came away telling father that all the hogs had to be destroyed, along with the hog barn, the fence and anything else the hogs had access to. We were lucky that dad kept the hogs and other livestock in different pastures. I remember dad and his brothers standing at the fence shooting all dads hogs (around 20 or 30 if I remember correctly), then pouring kerosene on the pile of bodies, intermixed with old fence posts and some coal slack that they gathered from our coal shed. Then the fire burning the barn, the hogs and all the crap that lined the pen, all the grass in the pasture that the hogs had the run of (not all that big, as hogs don't take much room thankfully). I will never forget that smell. It must be so much worse over there now.

Jerry

I concur with Mary Lou. I haven't been asked for material, but I have waited almost a year to hear back on submissions. You only have a problem if more than one house wants to buy your work--what a terrible problem. So your work goes to auction and you end up with a $250,000.00 advance instead of a $5000.00.

So, never be afraid to do simultanous submissions. I do it all the time because I cannot afford to wait, and my time is just as valuble as any editors.

Rhoda

Debra: Can't help putting in my two cents worth about simultaneous submissions. I've been writing for nine years and after several rejection letters and attending work shops where published authors give advice, I say forget about the "poor" publisher who does not accept them. They don't mind letting you hang for months. I've even heard from them after a year that they are not interested. Right now I have two submissions out to major publishers that were sent in Nov. 12. 1999 and March 24, 2000. In the case of the one sent last March, the editor had requested the material, I have written 3 follow-up letters (all with SASE) and have yet to hear a word from her. (This submission happens to be the book that another publisher has accepted.) So, if you wait around you loose valuable time and usually end up getting a rejection. The writing business, especially from the publisher and agent side, is a dog eat dog and the author gets the little end of the stick. Now that I've had my say (a lot more than two cents worth, I know), I'll get off my soap box.

Mary Lou

Call for stories! Moondance Ezine, a UNESCO Award winning
site celebrating women's creativity, seeks exquisitely
crafted short fiction for inclusion in its quarterly publication.
Because our audience and staff are global, we especially treasure
stories that speak to the issues, hopes and dreams of all women.
Quarterly themes can be found on our website, though distinctive
fiction that does not perfectly mesh with these will be considered. Preferred length: up to 6000 words. Submission deadlines are 1 October, 1 January, 1 April, and 1 July. Please direct questions and submissions to Martha Gibson, Fiction Editor,
fiction.editor@moondance.org

http://www.moondance.org/

HEATHER: Now you have me thinking 'Salt&Vinegar', or the really great Maryland Blue Crab flavor chips I used to buy when I lived in Baltimore. They had the lightest sprinkling of "Old Bay" seasoning on them that I just love. When I moved back to Ohio, I brought 4 bags with me because I knew I would probably never have them again. My stomach has now caught up with my tingling tastebuds and is growling something fierce.

DEBRA: Yeah. What Heather said.

Hedgehog flavour. MMMMMMM
I think Hamster flavour would go over better. No pricklies.

We have an amusing array of chip flavours here. I could get into it right now but then I'd have a craving and no one would be able to stop me from running to the store and snarfing down a bag. If I just don't go anywhere near chips, I'm fairly safe. Fairly. I do so love salt.

Heather

Debra: What you are referring to is called 'simultaneous submissions'. You must check very carefully in your Writer's Market 2001 to see whether each publisher you intend to send your manuscript to will accept a submission that is also being sent out elsewhere at the same time. Most publishers do not want simultaneous submissions, because it can cause problems if more than one publisher wants to publish your work. My advice is to do it the 'linear' way; send one out and wait until you either get word off acceptance or rejection of your work, and then you are free to send it to the next chosen publisher.

So there you have my whole few cents on that.

Great funnies, Allein!

I don't know if that's good news, or bad news, Eddie!

Howard, here's another SMOOOCH for your poor finger. Oh, and don't move it like that if it hurts.

Hi Litter, good to see you, but sorry to hear of a doubled workload. Just think of a nice pair of jigglies. Hey, you might not get as much work done that way, but you'll be smiling and no one else will know why. Aren't mysteries terrific? They can render a man beguiling.

Kitty, hi! Don't think I've welcomed you back yet - I'm a fellow Canadian... there was something else... I'll surely remember after I post this.

HI EVERYONE!

Christi, where you at, girl?

Teekay?

Have a great time, Jack! Allein - try to make it to this one, won't ya?

Heather

Allein,
A potato chip flavour that flopped over here in th UK:
Hedgehog flavour.
Absolutely true.

Just passing through. back to the grindstone tomorrow.
Things are no better over here, my workload has doubled.
The debate rages over the firebreak slaughter policy. The government has temperarily halted this action. Farmers in the county of Cumbria are revolting and threatening the use of firearms to keep MAFF vets and slaughter men off their land. (I don't think it will come to blows though)
I watched a 600 meter long pyre go up a few days ago. WHat a waste of animal life!

Later,
Ed

KNOCK KNOCK!
WHO'S THERE?
BEACON!
BEACON WHO?
BE DONE WITH KNOCK KNOCK JOKES!

Kitty:

I might have read something wrong. But,no harm done.

I am taking a linear approach to sending my stuff out. Is that recommended or is it what makes it so slow of a process?

I could send more out at a time. That's not the reason I am doing that. I do it because I thought it was the correct way to do it.


I'd actually love to send my stuff to lots of different places at a time. I think it would be way more exciting.

Let me know. Imagine the question that didn't seem like it would make that much of an impact, actually being the one that changes my life.

Debra

I've thought of a theme for shortie night but don't know if anyone wanted to use it. The theme is: CHEESE.

No wait, it's not, it's: CHILDHOOD MEMORIES.

Here's some funnies:

No way...I'll have to go check it out

If any of you remember the movie "Back to the Future II" you will recall that Bif goes to the future and steals a Sports Almanac, where in turn he goes back to the past to give it to young Bif. As we all know Young Bif was able to become very wealthy by betting on games where he already knew the final score. In an obscure line you hear young Bif say "Florida is going to win the World Series in 1997, yeah right". This movie came out in 1987, ten years before the Marlins did actually win the world series. And what's really weird is that Florida didn't even have a baseball team in 1987.

Interesting trivia ...

In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.

Dr. Seuss coined the word "nerd" in his 1950 book "If I Ran the Zoo"

It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

There are an average of 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald's Big Mac bun.

The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1.

Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars.

The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year.

It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.

The Bible has been translated into Klingon.

Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands.

Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.

Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.

In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined.

Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.

Average lifespan of a major league baseball: 5 pitches.

Average age of top GM executives in 1994: 49.8 years. Average age of the Rolling Stones: 50.6.

Elephants can't jump. Every other mammal can.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Five Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, and chocolate.

According to one study, 24% of Iawns have some sort of lawn ornament in their yard.

Internationally, Baywatch is the most popular TV show in history.


These are actual lines out of OER (Officer Efficiency Report ) performance appraisal for the military:


Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.

A room temperature IQ.

Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.

A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

A prime candidate for natural deselection.

Bright as Alaska in December.

One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.

Donated his body to science before he was done using it.

Fell out of the family tree.

Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

He's so dense, light bends around him.

If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.

If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

One neuron short of a synapse.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.

Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

I like Monkeys..

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. God damn cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.

I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for awhile, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad.

I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed, The odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had a wet one. He couldn't take it either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a Solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.

I like monkeys.


HOW TO IDENTIFY WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM:

One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York

One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago

One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston

One hand on wheel, one hand cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California; with gun in lap: L.A.

Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy

One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, one hand cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle

One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city male

One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country male

One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse,brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female

Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car: Colorado

One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plate.

Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia male.

Junker, driven by someone who previously had a nice car and who is not wearing a barrel: Las Vegas

Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level,driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida.

A Supposed True Finals Story


This past fall semester, at Duke University, there were two sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid 'A'. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week, even though the Chem final was on Monday, they decided to go up to University of Virginia and party with some friends up there. So they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, what they did was to find Professor Aldric after the final and explain to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVA for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus.

Aldric thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Aldric had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about free radical formation and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page.

It said: (95 points) Which tire?


Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses.

"Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

"The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

"Were you present when your picture was taken?"

"Were you alone or by yourself?"

"Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

"Did he kill you?"

"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

"You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

"How may times have you committed suicide?"

Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"

Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls?"

Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?"

Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"

Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."

Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."

Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
A: "Oral."

Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A: "No, you dummy, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."

Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
A: "I have been since early childhood.

***********************************************
I'm going to stop there and save some for next time. I've taken up enough of the notebook and it's already obvious that I have no life.
*smiles*
Allein

KITTY: I sent you an email. It's one of those long, rambling things you seem to love reading as much as I love writing. I'm going with the .com on your address because I think those are the only ones going through. I'm not going to tell anyone here about the hangover I was wrestling with today. I'm just going to sit down and watch my favourite team play hockey--the coolest game on ice.
Ben

Richard - No, you have to put in your friends e-mail addresses in order for it to send out a message. But the more people you send it to and the more who sign up the better chances you have to win.
*smiles*
Allein

Thanks for the advice Halee. Ironically after posting my message, I somehow managed to write a couple of pages of my novel, and I wrote a poem, though writing the poem was tough. It's a form of expression that is still new to me. I can get a poem started, but ending it is always difficult. I run out of things to say and then don't know how to conclude the poem without sounding trite. But forgive the tangent. Anyway, I may try a writing schedule, or I might set myself a page limit. I've done that in the past and it helps. Maybe I just needed to tell someone my problem. I'll leave now and see if I can get some more written.

Susan

Ben: First, I may have misread your post. It is not that you are leaving for a long time, but that you are not going to make long posts for a long time. Right? Well, I like reading your ramblings. Second, the way I keep everything straight is by jotting down notes on a yellow note pad as I read through the posts. Finally, as to making a living at writing, you would be able to if you would write that book I want you to write (hahaha!).

Debra: I think you may have confused me with someone else. It was my real time life that took me away from the computer, and the Notebook. That and a major crash and burn of said computer. I wrote a weekly column and feature articles for a newspaper, but had never had any fiction published until recently. I now have a short story included in an anthology, a writing group project that, thanks to the enthusiasm and energy of the group, was sent to an e-publishing house, a very interesting and positive experience so far. Except for the bit about the short story, which is very recent, it is all in my blurb on the bio page. If something I have written in a previous post misled you, I apologize.

As to your question… By linear publishing I simply meant were you sending out manuscripts one at a time and waiting till one was settled till sending out the next. It's not an industry term. As to agents and how to acquire one, I do not think I can tell you more than I already have. There is no one path to reach your goal. The common denominator in most success stories is perseverance. I do wish you well.

Susan: Yes, write everyday and always have writing tools at hand. I always have a stenographer's notebook that goes everywhere with me. In it I keep notes, jot down bits of information, make observations, record those brilliant snatches of conversation that always seem to play through your head at the most inconvenient time, etc. I even carry a mini stapler so that I can staple stuff onto the pages when necessary. Just remember to number the notebooks once you have more than one. Though I know what is in all of them, it's faster to find what I want by going directly to #4 or #7 etc. rather than flipping through the first couple of pages to identify which yellow steno notebook I have in hand.

Viv: I don't travel with Ted as much as I did BC (before children). The last time we went away together was two years ago to Paris and a Province. Travelling with Ted is always an adventure.
I've not been back to Taiwan since I left as a child. Ted has been and, from his descriptions, I doubt I would recognize my old stomping grounds. My older sister and I attended Taipei American School where you started learning Chinese from grade 1. My younger sister went to Chinese kindergartern. My parents wanted us to learn and absorb as much as possible. A great adventure. A great gift. And we did stand out a bit. My younger sister and I were very blond and blue eyed as children.
If you have recent book recommendations, I'd love to know so that I can add them to my little list. I think I have all the sequels to Raw Fish and Cat.
I didn't quite follow what you were referring to in you last sentence? Did I critic a writer and not the words or was that directed to someone else?

Allein: Loved the profound observations from the young deep thinkers. Funny and, in some cases, alarming.

Jack: Will the computer be on for the party? Do we get to check in and imagine the smell of the simmering soup, the beauty of the sunset? Wah! I wanna go!

Kitty

Hello all :p

Allein: This cash competition thing - if I join it doesn't automatically send e-mails to all of my freinds as well does it? I don't want to spam the IBG Command Staff and the KalidorWorX Productions team...

Anyone visited my website?

Rosemary:

Worry about nothing. Thankfully I don't get like that very much. It happens about once a year. But!


When it does happen, no one is safe. I mean no one.

Even my husband of 13 years, has learned to recognize when it happens. It's too bad that I don't think very clearly when it does happen, I could get him to hang up a few shelves. Shit I could get him to do anything. But, instead I just do my impression of "rantings of an idiot."

So I compeletly understand.

You do realize I was only calling me an idiot? Just so we're clear.

Debra

Checking for slings and arrows before jumping in.

Mary,
You're completely right. Right after I hit the post button, I cringed, snapped at my sister and went to bed. It was about 2:oo in the afternoon. Luckily I'm single so no divorce on the horizon. Not too many days like that.

HALLEE,
It's still cold and raining, so not yet.

DEBRA,
Mary is completely right. You have the constitutional right to burn your own fingers. (not a good apology but the weather is still lousy here.)

In our Wednesday writing group, we are suposed to concentrate on plot. I think I am going to use the alone shorty with the man riding across the desert as an example. It could be used as the beginning middle or end of a plot. --The reason I brought that up, is to say that the short shorty sessions have been very helpful.

Be good and write long.
Rosemary

Good Morning Everyone!

Oh, HOWARD! Your poor finger, come here and let me kiss it for you...smoooooch. There, see? All better. A popsicle you say? Ok hon, here's a nice big red one. :-)

I have successfully cut my Notebooking back to around 12%. I could never quit this place cold-turkey, I can tell you that, but at least I don't feel like a space hog anymore.

For anyone who may have missed it: shortie night theme this week is MERCY. (Newbies: You don't have to write about the theme, you can write anything you want to write...the theme is just a suggestion. One that works very well too! Thanks again HALLEE!)

Oh yeah, HI HOWARD'S MOM!

i must go ;-)

Allein: Look forward to seeing you. If you need a ride to and from, I am sure that we can arrange for that as well. Anybody else in the area are more than welcome.

Allien: Just popped in for a quick peek. Priceless. I gotta let my son read these. I'm finding out he's just as twisted humor wise as his old man is. I actually laughed out loud at most of them. My son would watch SNL all day long if he could...
Ben

AMERICO - I have been having fun with the Mac, but the time grows short for my toy. My daughter has prepared a desk for it, and I will be traveling the six blocks to her home to help her set it up, so it can return to a paying job. So much for the fun of learning, but it has been nice to be able to play around with it, and learn the in's and out's of the Mac. I have installed FUSION which is a Mac emulator on my PC, and am transfering all the software packages to it, so I can play with them at my leasure. FUSION actually runs the software faster then the MAC, but I guess it is running on my PC with a 400 MHZ processor and 194 meg of ram, where on the MAC it is running at 33 MHZ with 72 meg of ram. There are suttle differences though, and some of the software refuses to work as well on the PC, as well it should, since it was not written to do that. I am beginning to see though were folks who grew up cutting their teeth on a MAC could become confused, lost, even angry when forced to live on what the PC puts out.

Jerry

Howard Well I am not spacing out, however I think I am getting CRS syndrom, indicated by the fact that I sat down to post both these posts at the same time, then slipped into whatever, and ended up sending yours, then composing Americo's. Guess we are all getting a bit older.

JE

Howard - damn that hurts. You are so right about the old books, I too love reading them, but at times they do get a bit dry. I have a wonderful book that was left to us by my wife's aunt, who passed away about four years ago. It was her mothers, and was purchased during the first world war. It is a history book, of sorts, however it reffers to the terriable Hun! Very anti german/austrian. Amazing how history changes. The history books in the set tell stories of history that I have never read about, or heard about in any school. I was especially interested in the US Civil war, as told by those who were alive when the book was written. Puts a whole different slant on things, before they were glamorized in the minds of those who wrote the current versions. Also the tales of the Indian wars are very different then those told by Hollywood (but then what did Hollywood ever know about truth in the first place.)

Well I ramble on, and it seems the notebook is becoming full with the assult of the mad knocker (Now that brings to mind a different sort of story.)

Write ON!

Jerry

PS sorry for the pain in the finger, you do type rather well for a nine-fingered typist.
JE

Hallee:

Yeah, I guess if I were being honest I would have to say still a pain in the ass too.

I'm Italian it's expected.
Debra

Allein:

Thank you for that.

I'm voting my favorite as the one with the student who calls the teacher to thank them until they got an unlisted number. Priceless!


Debra

Mary:

Thank you. I may just do that. I think I might like to drop over for high tea and chat sometime real soon.

Debra

Good Saturday evening to one and all.

Whoa...Mr. Wizard. Son, better lay off that cheap wine and step up to Mogan David, at least some hi grade wood alochol. Whew, say, ever consider puting that tirade into a novel. Say 250,00 words or so, font 14, double spaced, 4 inch margin top and bottom, 4 inch spacing left and right? What genre would you call that? Anyway?

I struggle to compensate for a flaw that has followed me all my adult life. My thinking is TOO agressive. Words reveal the inner person. If there is conflict, emotional problems or rampant insecurity (my favorite)like Mr. Shakespear wrote "... will out." And it will, especially to an adult, mature person who writes words and is capable of picking up hidden meanings, within structure. We talked of this last year a little, (well ok, so I mentioned it!) and it is something that concerns me. Mostly because it's a problem I have.

"What in hades are you talking about Randall?"

Okay, many years ago a bunch of us were sitting around talking, guys, girls, most single, a few who were not sure. Someone asked if you could be an animal, what would you be? I said King Cobra, 18 feet long, sliding through a jungle. Why? Well, that darn agressive thinking problem. A guy next to me took the gentle road and said dolphin, swimming south of Flordia. Jesus H. Christ! Why didn't I say that? In the 70's if you're looking to impress single girls, well, they'll choose dolphin over snake any time. Probably still will. At a lake party some time later I showed up with a pistol and my cousin a guitar. Guess who commanded attention, and rightfully so. Guitars over guns anytime. (Unless you play with rockers, Guns and Roses!) There are several more stories but, so what!

Think of the gentle paths through life. Agressive thinking and action is an evolutionary step backward and sure as heck will effect ones Karma. There are considerations involved in being human, stop and think about them before you write. It will come forth in your work, as it has in mine. I've rewrote many passages that do not call for agressive thinking so many times it's not funny. All things in their place, if agression, nay, murder is necessary vent frustrations there. Words talk, sentance structure...well now I'm preaching to the choir! :-)

Uh oh, be very still, there is a penguin on my monitor. Better go, 'fore it changes into a snake and chases me 'round the house with a pistol.

Bye!

Randall

Jack - I will see if I can make it but because I have to ride the ferry, I may have to leave before 10. :)


Wanted to Share this one. :)

Deep Thoughts by Children

From an actual newspaper contest where entrants age 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."

My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally--but I didn't want to upset him.
--Age 10

I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn mower.
--Age 11

I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source of water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots. Once there was a big fire and everyone died.
--Age 13

I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor.
--Age 14

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?
--Age 15

Whenever I start getting sad about where I am in my life, I think about the last words of my favorite uncle: "A truck!"
--Age 15

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.
--Age 8

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.
--Age 7

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote.
--Age 10

Home is where the house is.
--Age 6

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
--Age 15

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there.
--Age 5

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
--Age 13

The people who think Tiny Tim is strange are the same ones who think it odd that I drive without pants.
--Age 15

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
--Age 13

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out.
--Age 6

Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with!
--Age 6

The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't is morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?"
--Age 15

Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them, right?
--Age 15

I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he sucks.
--Age 15

I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.
--Age 15

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.
--Age 15

Bad news/good news -- finger busted (goes crunchcrackle and hurts like heck when I wiggle it)/daughter called and said not to buy a new dryer. They brought up an extra one they had (almost new) and it works just great!
So I taped the pinky to the ring finger (that's what they'd do in the ER, but they'd take so long and charge so much) and took a couple of advil.
Did you know that Advil and Viagra are the same color!? Now I can't bend my finger at all! :-)

Now that's scary! I just realized I've been sitting here staring at this screen for the past 10 minutes and haven't typed a word. Just vegged out, a blank spot in my evening. Mind going south? I sometimes get lost in thought, but this is different - can't remember thinking anything at all! Gee! An out-of-mind experience! What happens to the mind at a time like that? Does it just shut down for a rest, or does it visit some other dimension that we just can't remember? Or do we even want to remember it?

Will the "Mad Kn*cker" please stand up and show yourself so we can take better aim!? I truly apologise for mentioning the kn*ck kn*ck j*kes in the first place. Never dreamed the whole notebook would get kn*cked up!

I have to leave now.

DEBRA: Feel free to email me anytime to find out anything that you think I could help you with. I don't mind giving advice at all and if you do or don't decide to follow it, it is your fingers getting burned, not mine. (::[]::) There's a band-aid for your shins.

ROSEMARY: We are having the same funky whether and I am being quite the bitch. I think my hubby will be very glad when it warms up! :-)

Hey everyone! Still in the old house...the weather turned ugly again, and since we don't have to actually be out of here until the 31st of this month, we decided to put it off. We were just excited about moving into a place we actually own instead of rent.

ROSEMARY: Rain and cooler weather. (sad frown) Where did the spring go? Let me know when you warm up - haha - we'll be about a day or two behind you.

KITTY: Thanks. Moving is an adventure, and as often as we move, it's almost my spring cleaning exercise. But not anymore! Yay! Signing on the dotted line was never more fun.

HEATHER: Thanks for the link. TEEKAY - did you pay attention to Heather's link??? (smile) Submit your short stories, girl - get them out there.

JERRY: What a treasure in those books! Wow - I love old books. I used to love to dig through the library archives and find OLD encyclopedias. I also love old magazines - the advertisements and such. Anything from the '50's back fascinates me.

SUSAN: It's hard to focus when things are on your mind. As stressful and busy as my life is, the one thing I'm able to do to keep my focus is to stick to a schedule. I write every morning from 4:15 to about 6:00. 7 days a week, I sit at the computer at 4:15. Some mornings I write a few paragraphs then write some emails, some mornings I write solid for two hours. But, I've trained my mind and my body to focus for that time period on inane things and let the rest of it come back and flood my mind when it's time to actually start the day moving.

HOWARD: I seem to recall a couple of other instances where you sustained injuries while trying to repair certain household items. Wasn't there something about something blowing up in your face a while back? (quick hug).

MARK: You lurking and just remaining silent? Your posts are so few and far between anymore...everything okay?

BEN: Yep - it was your story. Sorry about that.

CHRISTI: Hiya.

DEBRA: I'm still a pain in the ass. Ask anyone.

I think that about catches me up. Anyone I missed...I apologize. It's been a hell of a couple of weeks. BUT - my climax is unfolding nicely, and I'll be finished with this book very soon. Then it's time to discover just how hard writing really is. Up to this point, it's been a breeze.

Time to wash Kaylee's hair - get her into bed.

Hallee

Yes indeed I was joking about the horse, I couldn't afford to buy one of those dang critters just to kill him for some god that I have never even been introduced to. I was recalling some history I read one time where in fact the Norse people did sacrifice their horses in the names of their gods and hung their bleeding heads in trees for others to see. You see I used to love auctions, and at one of them, I saw a box of books. The top bunch of books were a very old set of popular science hard covers. I bid on the box just for those but when I got the box home and unpacked them I found the true treasure. A 25 volume set of the worlds greatest history, with volumes for US - Japan - Germany - the Norse - Italy - Russia, and many others. I dug into them and read the most interesting parts of many of the books, but still have a ways to go to finish them all, I probably will never finish, but each time I grab one of them, I learn something new. The copywrite date on them is 1909, yet they are in very good condition.

See you all later.

Jerry

Allein reminded me that I was having a new NWSFS Social come this May. Some details are still a little up in the air, but if we do what we did last year, we will likely be able to pick up a couple of copper river salmon and bake them, or, if we get adept at harvesting crabs, we may do those instead. Still, all here are invited to come spend some time with us May 20th, tour Kubota Gardens, sit in the hot tub or watch some movies. This has more or less become an annual event for us, targeted mainly at the local science fiction population, but also any body else I think to invite. Take care. And, yes, Allein, you are invited as well :-), but can understand if not.

Heather: Neat website. I'm excited about that one. I'm going to try it out. I think it would be really great to be chosen. Have you been published there or won some of those contests?
This looks so neat I may disappear for a bit so I can get some things ready for each catagory. That way I'll feel like at least I loaded the bases!

Howard: Liked your description of fixing the dryer. Also think it's neat you have the ability to keep things running. My husband can do that too. Another reason I married him! What's great is he can just about fix anything.

Randell: Loved that post on junk yards.

Kitty: Absolutely, have read all! Good reads! Not exactly new lit though! I think basically my theme is not "What I Did For Love", but actually, "Sneaking a ride on his good fortune." You are absolutely right that Japan is fascinating. Most days I love it here!

Looks like your husband travels too. I guess you can do as I do and go along sometimes! Do you visit your childhood home often. How do you find the changes??? The real trouble is describing the things and the changes! I should keep a journal but I don't. I'm sure you do! Let's hear what you've written about changes sometime!

Did you attend the local schools when you were a child? You didn't say if you looked like the other children or if you were physically different. Interesting. That coupled with the fact that you don't spend a great deal of time in a country with your husband when you come on a 3-4 day visit, might explain the tone of your post. I suppose being a tourist you wouldn't experience much beyond the usual high of a visit to a strange place. I hope you didn't misinterpret my stories to mean I feel sorry for myself for living here: I don't. Attitudes toward or against foreigners are just as quixotic and mercurial as change. What scares me a little is that America might do or say something that causes bad feeling here. We watch the news and say: "cool it folks, get along with the rest of the world please!" The reason for this is although both Japanese and Americans are all generally kind and gentle our countries are like our children to us. People get very upset when something happens and tend to act irrationally. In the case of the week those stories were written, what was happening in the news was rather pertinent to our lives. Some Japanese high school kids were killed on that fishing vessel. They come from an area which is very close to ours. My daughter's good friend is a fisherman's son. They had a fight. He was a good friend and a kind person. She looks forward to seeing him on her juku nights because he teaches her all about fish. He was the only person to be her friend when she first joined the juku so she was really upset. The loss of a friend over political climate really hurts because you didn't do anything wrong but are blamed for being what you are. Hope that clears up any confusion.

You are right, those stories aren't my favorite but I posted them anyway because I am working on writing. Care to critique the stories and not the writer?

I was a huge pain in the ass as a kid.

Rosemary:

Wow! I didn't disregard anyone's advice. I only started to get advice less than two weeks ago. That's not long enough to disregard anything.

Kitty was here a long time ago. Then she left because she got some of her stuff published. At least that's what I thought. So I figured I'd ask for some advice from her too. It doesn't hurt to hear more. It never does.

Sorry! Really!

Debra

I need some advice on how to focus better on my writing so I can get something done. I go through periods of great productivity and then suddenly I seem to dry out. Sometimes just doing a lot of reading will get me back on track, but sometimes it doesn't help. Part of the problem is that I seem to have so many other things on my mind, problems, or conflicts that seem to hinder my creativity. I'll want to work on a project, like the science fiction novel I'm working on, but instead I'll end up worrying about something, like a conflict with a friend, or job problems, or money, and I end up not getting anything done. How do I focus on my writing and push aside those other things that always seem to be lurking in the back of my mind? Any advice would be appreciated.

SusanS

Hi everyone,

It's cold here today. That means in the 40's but that's cold because yesterday was about 80 degrees.

I guess the weather jumping around has put me in a mood because I'm going to get at least half the notebook mad at me now.

DEBRA,
Please quit begging for advice from us. At least four of us have given you the same advice about agents and you completely disregarded it. If you had asked us before using the subsidy publisher, probably eight or more of us would have told you not to do it and you would have gone right ahead. I'll bet when you were little, you were one of those kids that touched the hot stove even though everyone in the house told you not to.

JERRY,
I'm going to assume you were joking about the horse's head in the tree. No one who writes as well as you would do a horrible thing like that. No matter how bad the weather was.

HALLIE,
Good luck with the move. I hate to have to uproot and move to a new location no matter how much better the new place is.

I think I posted the first paragraph by mistake. Still not sure exactly what I did, but hope I don't do it again.
Later,
Rosemary

Knock Knock
Who's there !
Aardvark !
Aardvark who ?
Aardvark a million miles for one of your smiles !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Aardvark !
Aardvark who ?
Aardvark a hundred miles for one of your smiles !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Aaron !
Aaron who !
Aaron the barber's floor !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Aaron !
Aaron who !
Aaron on the side of caution!
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Abba !
Abba who ?
Abba banana !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Abbey !
Abbey who ?
Abbey stung me on the nose !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Abbott !
Abbott who ?
Abbott time you opened this door
Knock Knock
Who's there !
B-4 !
B-4 who ?
B-4 I freeze to death, please open this door !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Bab !
Bab who ?
Bab Boone is a real ape !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Baby !
Baby who ?
Baby love, my baby love.... !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Baby Owl !
Baby Owl who ?
Baby Owl see you later, maybe I won't !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Bach !
Bach who ?
Bach of sweets !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Bacon !
Bacon who ?
Bacon a cake for your birthday !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Badger !
Badger who ?
Badger cookies !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Balanchine !
Balachine who ?
Balachine act !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Balloon !
Balloon who ?
Balloon velvet !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Banana !
Banana who ?
Banana split so ice creamed !
Knock knock
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana ?
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Band !
Band who ?
Band in Boston !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Barbara !
Barbara who ?
Barbara black sheep, have you any wool...!
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Barber !
Barber who ?
Barberd wire !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Barbie !
Barbie who ?
Barbie Q !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Bargain !
Bargain who ?
Bargain up the wrong tree !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Bark !
Bark who ?
Bark you car on the drive !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Baron !
Baron who ?
Baron mind who you're talking to !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Barrister !
Barrister who ?
Barristercratic !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Cabot !
Cabot who ?
Cabotret !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Caesar !
Caesar who ?
Caesar quickly before she gets away !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Caesar !
Caesar who ?
Caesar jolly good fellow !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Cain !
Cain who ?
Cain you tell !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Caitlin !
Caitlin who ?
Caitlin you my trainers tonight, I'm wearing them !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Callas !
Callas who ?
Callas should be removed by a podiatrist !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Callum !
Callum who ?
Callum all black !
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Cam !
Cam who ?
Camalot is where King Arthur lived !
THE MAD KNOCK KNOCK'ER HAS STRUCK AGAIN, THIS TIME FULL AUTO ALL THE WAY!!!

Hi everyone,

It's cold here today. That means in the 40's but that's cold because yesterday was about 80 degrees.

I guess the weather jumping around has put me in a mood because I'm going to get half the notebook mad at me now.

DEBRA

Ben! Got a short story just waiting to be sent out right now? You're right about the four-times-a-year submission times for GlimmerTrain; January, April, July and October. But there are also contests in the in-between months, so keep checking and give it a shot!

I am.

Thanks, Mary! I knew that should be the defining point, but wanted a second opinion. Is everyone agreed on this?

Heather

Oh, Johnny - another web site you may be interested in visiting:

http://www.tellsomeonewhogivesashit.org

Or.

http://www.kkk.com or http://www.newworldorder.org

Jerry

Debra,

Don't feel too bad about losing your perspective. It happens sometimes. I did the same thing when I hired my "agent." I was warned, but I reasoned that at least the manuscript would get to people I couldn't get it to myself. I did get services rendered, but they were not what I thought they would be. At least you have something tangible to show for your mistake, like copies of your book. All I have is half a dozen form-letter rejections, much worse than the ones I got when I had submitted myself.


Rhoda

Owhard - OUCH!! been there done that, decided it is not worth the pain Lessons I learned.

1. Don't try and fix it yourself, even if you know how, (and I do) it ain't worth the pain.

2. Don't pay someone else to fix it - paying for their first trip is the same as the cost of a good used dryer.

3. Don't bother buying a good used dryer, as the second trip the repairman makes to fix the good used dryer ups the cost to a cheap new dryer.

4. Don't buy the cheap new dryer as the cost of the third trip of the repair man to fix it ups the price to the cost of a new washer/dryer set by a major manufacture.

5. Skip steps 1-4 and go uptown to the local guy, buy the good brand name new industrial grade washer/dryer set - and you will be money ahead. Got the wife a new Amana commercial grade washer dryer, now not only did I have to pay for the set, but also paid for the new electrical wiring set up to handle the increased amperage of the new dryer, but also had to pay the plumber to come over and fix the drain to keep up with the new fast dump washer, that was pushing the water up the shower. Overall though I think I am still money ahead, and the wife doesn't cuss and swear at the new set like she did the old set. And the daughter who still can't afford the cost of a good used washer dryer set (I will let her read this post when she is ready) can come over and use our new set too. A task which she pays dearly by furnishing cappachino and bagels for Sat. Morning snack.

Jerry

Howard:

Yes, thanks for correcting me. I do mean subsidy.

I mean stupid thing to do.

Ben:

It might as well be Vantage Press. I got sort of taken. All I wanted to do was help girls. I have stories to tell. I would have never gone through them for those, never.

So. Live and learn. It's better than some people who live and don't learn. We all know people like that.

Debra

JOHNNY WIZARD - Heckuvva Drivel Generator! Where'dya buy/borrow/steal it?

MARY (and MOM) It's great to see Mom here! It reminds me of a line from a poem by William Stafford - something about "things that younger eyes could not have noticed." My mom (age 78) has been watching too, and asking if she could post something. Now I think she might!

BEN -- Roger that on GLIMMERTRAIN! And I always forget about it too. ROSEBUD used to be a real good venue also, but I haven't seen it around lately.

JERRY - I hope you saved Barney's butt -- maybe we can erect it as a tribute to Johnny W!

Reading list right now? S.K.'s "On Writing," and the latest issue of "GreenPrints" (the weeder's digest). The latter is an excellent quarterly pub for anyone who appreciates any phase of gardening and great writing. See www.greenprints.com for more info.

RANDALL - Perhaps it's more the lack of Sunday morning polishing?

DEBRA -- Do you mean Subsidy publishing? That sounds more like what you're describing. The author subsidises the publisher in order to get a book printed. The publisher can't lose! It's aka vanity press.

I noticed someone talking about scrolling up and down to see and comment on other posts. For those who may not have seen it before, try this:
Bring up a notepad session (I use NOTETAB LIGHT) along with your browser window. Right mouse click on the desktop, and click on TILE VERTICALLY. This puts the two sessions side by each, and you can see the notebook on one side, and the notepad on the other, and type as you go. Then copy/paste your notepad session into the posting box on the notebook.

Gotta go buy my wife a new dryer. I tried fixing the old one and am still in pain. When I popped the belt tensioner loose in order to remove the drum, it snapped and caught my hand pretty bad. Nobody around, and I couldn't reach it with my left hand to free it. Max Hurt! Took about 5-6 minutes to get loose from it. Took a big chunk from around the base of the pinky fingernail (will probably lose that), and another from the knuckle of the middle finger. Eyes watered pretty good there for a few minutes! Now (a half hour later) the feeling is starting to come back, and it really hurts!

see ya

Oh, I see Johnny Whizzer is back.

Johnny Wizzard - I believe that you have us mixed up with another site, please visit:

http://www.psychoanalysis.com I am sure you will find the help you need there.

Thank you for dropping by.

Jerry

HEATHER: My understanding is that any works posted in a writing workshop are considered "works in progress" and not previously published. At least that is the way we got around it at the other workshop I belonged to before I found you guys. C-ya.

Thanks for all the comments to my Mom! We really appreciate them. Big hugs.

Kitty: Thanks, you always see me in a different way than I do--if that makes any sense.

But Jonny Wizard? Where the heck did this doofus come from, and does he come here often? I'm sorry guys, I'm trying to be poilte, bite my tongue, and hold back--whatever--but this guy is in bad need of a better speech writer. He reminds me of that Mel Gibson movie about--"Conspiracy Theory" I think was the name--just a little bit over the edge. Eco-terrorism just around the corner, maybe? Of course, he can't be too paranoid, because the F.B.I. should be watching him. I don't need to be reminded about pollutants in the air when I consider all that I've put into my body willingly over the last twenty some odd years. In fact, I think I saw him in the streets of Vancouver last month, but then he was saying something about the world coming to an end and that I had to repent. I wonder how much it costs to repent? God, get a life...

Okay, I got that outta my system.

Randall: You can just ramble on as much as you want. Your insight is remarkable, and your take on life is right up my alley.

Heather: GLIMMERTRAIN is one of my favorite target markets, but it seems I always forget that they only accept at certain times of the year--a January-April-September-sort of thing--so that I always miss the deadlines. I guess it would be a good idea to write it on my daily calader.

Taylor: Let me say hi, and add that sometimes the best way to get a story going is to kill a couple of people. That opens things up.

JERRY: I read that King book on writing. I like his non-fiction as much as his fiction. He makes it sound so easy, and the fact that he just sort of fell into his success makes it all so much more attainable for everyone else, don't ya think?

Debra: I hope it wasn't VANTAGE PRESS. When I was a youngster, I wanted to be another Oliver Goldsmith. I wrote a poem a day, and got bored, so I made a poetic novel about Robin Hood--long before he came into fashion. The ms. was 150 pages. It needed to have a few rewrites, and definitely needed work, but I was young, I was 18 at the time, and decided to publish it myself. They sent me a contract, a hundred copies--which I sold in the neighbourhood pubs for $5.00 a shot, (autographed of course)--and then said they'd be willing to ship the rest out to me, and all I had to do was pay the freight, which at the time was around 700 bucks. I was already into them for 7500. I had to start working at the mill--which pretty well screwed me up as far as any further writing ambitions were concerned (but that's all supposed to be in the book Kitty wants me to write about the mill). Legitiamte publishers I found out later, will not even consider subsidy publishers like VANTAGE, and in fact, not since THE NINTH INSIGHT or whatever that book was that came out a few years ago, would they even look at anything self published. I told myself I would never pay for publishing a book again. They are supposed to pay you. That's how it works. And they will. Perseverance is the key word here. Small publishing houses would be the best way to get it published. We are not all going to make millions writing for a living. I doubt if I will ever be able to quit my job in the mill. Agents will come to you if you sell the book to a publisher, and say to them: Hey, look, I just sold this book, and I was looking for an agent to represent me because I want to make the best deal I possibly can. But by all means, go to a writer's conference. Too bad you don't live out here, because from what I've heard from the writers and agents and editors that attend the Surry Writer's conference, it's one of the best ones around. I wouldn't know if that's true or not, because I haven't been to any others. But they are very approachable. Jack Whyte, Diana Gabaldon are always here. Just send it out, all three of them, and when it comes back, send it out again. That's all you can do. Someone will take it. But research, and find your market, and then go get it.

Hallee: I think that might be my story? I don't know, but I know what you mean about the scrolling up and down part.

I don't know how you guys keep track of everyone and everything. I used to write long posts on here a long time ago, but now, if a person was to answer everyone, they would be long posts in general.

Teekay: Wear a hat, but something stylish.

Litter: Thanks for the email.

Mary: Your mother's awesome

And now I'm going to bed because I'm bagged. This will probably be one of the longest posts you'll see from me in a long time. But Kitty, you wanted to know what we're reading? I like to read short stories, because that seems to be all I want to write now. Alice Munro, Mavis Gallant, MacClean--all Canucks I know, but all considered to be the best in the field as well. I try to grab as many anthologies as I can and read as many stories as I can, but it seems I can only do that at work. One of life's little ironies: I get paid for reading I'm not supposed to be doing in the first place. But I guess you can get away with it when you're sitting on a boat and turn the radio off.
T.T.F.N.
Ben

Hi All,
HEATHER: Oh, I've done that as well. And I keep doing it too. I read somewhere about how fools never learn from their mistakes, they just keep on going making the same mistake over and over again. That depressed me for a bit and then I decided that rather than a fool, I'm an optomist, I do the same whacky thing over and over again, but everytime I expect (hope) for the results to be better.
Once I coloured my hair black fringe, black sides, natural everywhere else. Sooooo bad.
And once I cut my fringe so short, there was nothing there. That was a really bad time.
And there's more, but I won't go into it. They were pretty much the worst though.

BEN: Two weeks huh? Just two weeks? I hope so much that your hairdresser friend is right.

BARNABAS: I was actually the one arguing, though I prefer to call it debating. The guy I was with was just calmly waiting for me to take a breath so that he could say something. Looking back, he would have made a wonderful husband.
This is a fault which I am trying to overcome.
I'm sure there might be plenty of male romance writers out there. :-) Go for it!

TAYLOR: AHA! Using my powers of deduction, I feel perfectly confident in saying that you are in actual fact.......a guy!
I know, I know, just call me Sherlock.

LITTER: HAHHAHAHAHA. I have no idea, but I'm really good at it.

HOWARD: Quote from the Darling Buds Of May:
"Perfik. Absolutely Perfik."

HALLEE: I'm so glad you weren't offended. I hate to offend. Honestly. That probably seems hard to believe, but it is true. :-)

MARY: Well obviously talent can be genetic. :-) That's probably an 'Oh, DOH!' statement right?

That's it, I'm orf fro a night of videos,
Just wanted to catch up on the posts coz I hate getting behind.

Oh, for the sake of our eyeballs, and all that is at least decent, Mr. Wizard! Stop posting in one elongated windbag column.

Randall, keep talkin'!

Hallee, happy move! Hope you get the internet hooked up again quickly! And I KNEW March 13th held grand significance - just not any definitive piles of ink-stained paper. Kaylee's miraculous presence is a much finer event to celebrate.

Mary, wish I knew what to say. Please encourage your mother for me; no wait I'll do it: Mary's Mom! Send in your stuff!


For all interested: GlimmerTrain Press Inc
is always looking for short stories - for contests and for publication! Check out the site I've posted above. There's a contest coming up! Just remember that any shorties we've posted here MAY not qualify. I was thinking of sending in "Bullroot's" but I will have to email the co-editors and ask whether they consider work posted here in this forum to be previously published work (it may be ok, especially since we post them much of the time to get crits and improve them)... Take a look at the FAQ's and submission/writing guidelines and you'll see what I mean. I think it just MIGHT be submissable. The guidelines aren't written in legalese, but the example conditions don't really cover it. Tell me what you guys think, will you?

May a blissful barrage of characters prance through your dreams.

Heather