Archived Messages from March 23, 1999 to April 1, 1999

Cassandra arcane128@hotmail.com Thu Apr 1 20:46:31 PST 1999

grettings all,

I'm just stopping in for a quick message. I've been trying to keep up to date with the notebook postings, but alas, I have been helping another writer wander down a new, unexplored path. To her,prose fiction is a new arena, a dangerous place to be ridiculed and belittled. As the more experienced travler I've taken her under my wing, to guide her past some of the trials, and let her make her own way through others. :)

I'm working on the next part of my story in Shadows. Hopefully I'll have something to post by Saturday, or Sunday at the latest.

As for Jon... YOU GO BOY! Get jiggy with your fly lil feline diva! You gots da skills brother. Just don't play that fine kitten, or you'll end up wit da blues. :)

'ta ta my fine furry, and not so furry friends

Casey

"Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight, get down tonight" KC and the Sunshine Band (also known as me and my sunshine band... just kidding. hehehe)

Howard howard_tuckey@ibm.net Thu Apr 1 20:27:26 PST 1999

Americo -- Asking what's worth thinking about in terms of the future is *not* a stupid question. It's a very valuable, intelligent question! And as far as being "an incorrigible dreamer," where would we be without dreamers? "Shadows in a Dream" may or may not get published, and it may or may not make us all rich, and it may or may not ever make sense to anyone outside the group, but it *HAS* generated thought. It *HAS* caused us to exercise our creativity. It *HAS* resulted in communication among a widespread group who may not have reached any significant level of communication without it. It *HAS* been worthwhile!
Dream on! Let the realists drag their feet through the mud and move slope-shouldered through the mundane world while our dreams float on butterfly wings above them. But give them the occasional flash of colour to ponder. It may cheer them out of their monochrome reality.
howard

Jerry Lee JerryLeeJr@xoom.com http://aa.usno.navy.mil/AA/faq/docs/faq2.html Thu Apr 1 19:24:20 PST 1999

Yo All,

You should see my bottom lip. It's sticking out real far and quivering like a wet kitten.
I've taken so much heat on this 2001 thing that I decided to find out what the experts say...

If you click on the web address above, you too can see what the U.S. Navy has to say about it.

Please check this out and stop picking on me. I'm beginning to feel sad. :-(

Americo and Jon (Pussy, very soon) agsousa@esoterica.pt Thu Apr 1 17:15:16 PST 1999

HELLO, NOTEBOOK!!!

It's 02:00 a.m. of the 2nd April in Portugal. YOU ARE THREE YEARS OLD and I am so glad I am the first to greet you and wish you and all the wonderful collaborators MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY!!!

HIP, HIP, HURRA!

Thank you very much, Jack. Thanks, Fran. Long live the notebook and looooooooooooooooong live you.

Americo, John and (possibly in the future) Pussy, Jon's kitten-friend

Lena feylena@hotmail.com Thu Apr 1 17:09:00 PST 1999

Let me share a bit of the wisdom from my psychology textbook. Feeling depressed is a normal part of life, the same as feeling happy or angry, but for most people it passes by and they get on with their life. This is normal. The truly depressed person, however, cannot move on. Depression hits them hard and deep, and lingers painfully in their soul. It is a psychological condition, and most people tend to confuse the two. I have been depressed according to the first definition, but not the second. There is a vast difference between feeling low and being clinically depressed.

This is a song by Simon and Garfunkel that reminded me of the conversation we have been having. Read, enjoy, go out and find the music if you can. And, by the way, the last three lines are spoken (sung?) by the boy. I hope I don't get hit with a copyright notice for posting this here, so here goes...

--Save the Life of My Child--

"Good God! Don't jump!"
A boy sat on the ledge.
An old man who had fainted was revived.
And everyone agreed it would be a miracle indeed
If the boy survived.

"Save the life of my child!"
Cried the desperate mother.

The woman from the supermarket
Ran to call the cops.
"He must be high on something," someone said.
Though it never made The New York Times,
In The Daily News the captain read:

"Save the life of my child!"
Cried the desperate mother.

A patrol car passing by
Halted to a stop.
Said officer MacDougal in dismay:
"The force can't do a decent job
'Cause the kids got no respect
For the law today (and blah blah blah)."

"Save the life of my child!"
Cried the desperate mother.

"What's becoming of the children?"
People asking each other.
When darkness fell, excitement kissed the crowd
And made them wild
In an atmosphere of freaky holiday.
When the spotlight hit the boy,
The crowd began to cheer,
He flew away.

"Oh, my grace, I got no hiding place...
Oh, my grace, I got no hiding place...
Oh, my grace, I got no hiding place..."

---------

Avatar - One of the many complications of world-building... this is how I term the way, in writing fantasy, you must build your own world up around the story. World-building is, for me, the hardest part of writing fantasy, but also the most fun.

In fact, what I am writing for Shadows is actually the first story I have ever written that takes place in the so-called normal world. Shadows is my first stab at "realistic" fiction, and it is turning out very strangely. I do not know if it would be counted as good or bad according to the criteria of this particular genre, but I am having fun writing it. And, Jon, I do not know if several of your comments were meant as advice or were intended as commentaries on what I have already written... I am not 'displeasing the readers,' am I?

Jon - Meow.

Jai - Beautifully written.

Today was my last day of school... spring break has now officially started! I am so happy to be out of that place. Did really bad on another calculus test today... I don't know what is with me, mathematics is usually my strongest subject. It's really annoying.

Save the life of my child,
-Lena

agsousa@esoterica.pt Thu Apr 1 16:53:16 PST 1999

Avatar — I couldn't wait for tomorrow and saw the workshop before going to bed. You have created a very interesting character — a blind. Be it real or metaphorical it was a great idea and can become a wonderful persona.

Jai — Lovely poem (though I could'n undertand well). Are you in Australia? I think Australia (or is it New Zealand) is right below Portugal (or the other way round if you like). What time is it there, now?

Xavier — your story moved me much. It's the answer to mine (and your own) questions. Let us have more. So sincere! And the description of the city is also good.

WELL: the best pages are being written in the workshop — not here (sorry, non-collaborators, it's true, though).

Rhoda rfort@ren.net http://www.angelfire.com/nm/goldenpen Thu Apr 1 15:29:53 PST 1999

Avatar,

In response to your question I can only answer for myself. First of all, I couldn't create or even imagine a world better than the one descibed in the last few chapters of Revelations. There will be no war, all tears will be washed away, there will be no more death, no more injustice and no more good-byes. For me that life is acquired through my relationship with Jesus Christ, the Domini in AD. Whether one believes in him or not, one can admit that since his birth nothing has ever been the same. His teachings and his church transformed the Roman Empire and remain until the present. For me personally he is the beginning and the end, so I would definitely center my time around his life just as the practice currently exists.

agsousa@esoterica.pt Thu Apr 1 15:25:20 PST 1999


Tonight I had dinner with an old friend I hadn't seen for ages. I told him I corresponded with a group of writers in America and that we were writing a novel. He heard with attention the details of the novel. Interesting project. Would it be published? I didn't know. Hadn't I other things to do? Well, this gives me pleasure. How about the "real" projects? They should give me pleasure as well, but this is something new. "Americo, you are an incorrigible dreamer. You have wasted ninety percent of your life with projects without any future — and you knew it."

What's worthy of one's time in terms of future? I came home thinking about this, feeling a bit dejected. I won't ask it to you. You have better things to do than answering my stupid questions.

Jack: the notebook has 184k and starts being painful to load.

Avatar: Thanks for collaborating. I'll read yout addition first thing in the morning.

Avatar gryphon5flame@yahoo.com Thu Apr 1 13:03:26 PST 1999

Allein- deepest sympathies for your loss. You never know how much a person means to you, even a stranger, until they're gone.

Mother nature gave us in town her April Fool's yesterday. She made it snow. I can just imagine her saying, "You thought it was spring? Ha, Ha!" Why can't it be winter in winter like it's supposed to be?

Agsousa- Yeees! I did post something in the 'Shadows of a Dream' today. Boy am I proud. I'm using my computer name, so you won't have any trouble finding it. And it's at the end.

Okay, question of the day- we know our calendar starts with Anno Domini and ends with this year. We also know the correct way for typing up a year (lawyers use it all the time) is A.D. If you created your own world, how would you label your years?

- When a soul rejoices, the entire world rejoices with it.

-Avatar

Lydia Sweet lydiasweet@yahoo.com Thu Apr 1 12:10:09 PST 1999

Oops! I try. I try.

Barbara Thu Apr 1 11:51:32 PST 1999

Lydia,

It was Porky Pig who said "That's all Folks."

Lydia Sweet lydiasweet@yahoo.com Thu Apr 1 11:45:57 PST 1999

Hi all!

Here I am at work. (The oral surgery was postponed until next week sometime.) I can't believe I am caught up and find I have time on my hands.

All this talk about depression is drespressing! Ha, ha! Honestly, I have been there from time to time and it is not a pretty thing. I become a termagent. Screaming at the least provacation and not liking myself in the process. However, not once have I considered suicide as an alternative to life. I love my family and myself too much for that, even when I get off keel. I know adults can find their way a little easier than teens, but these bouts began when I was a teen. Not even then did I consider suicide. Something about the finality of it never has appealed to me.

Pray for your friend's soul and be thankful you are cognizant of the caring people about you and you are never alone unless you want to be. Enough said.

I wonder if the millenium thing is all it's cracked up to be? I think if the power goes out and a few million records are lost, we will all survive beautifully. I don't need records to know who I am, and I can always tell the people who do need them who I am all over again. With beaureacrats you usually have to tell them more than once anyway. I think I will keep a money sock stashed away somewhere just in case.

I hope Jack is well and returns soon. Or has he gone "down under"? I can't read the Notebook with the number of postings on it. My computer can't handle it and throws me out. I can enter the notebook though. I just copied it all and put it on WordPerfect to read. A pain, but I did get to read about what was going on.

Have I rambled enough yet? Can you tell I'm being held prisoner at work and have nothing to do?

By the way, Rhoda I will get that critique to you real soon!

And SKS I finally got to print Naejin and hope to read it this weekend.

Tha, tha, that's all, folks! (Elmer Fudd)

Lydia

Howard howard_tuckey@ibm.net http://www.greenprints.com Thu Apr 1 09:54:04 PST 1999

Thomas -- (and all of you other gardeners out there) For some absolutely wonderful garden-related/inspired writing you should check Greenprints -- The Weeders Digest. The website is good, but if you can get the magazine itself you'll love it. Seriously, this is the only mag I've seen that I would consider a lifetime subscription to. It's *not* a "how-to" gardening guide, it's gardeners sharing their experiences, and as I said, the writing is excellent. I do believe they have a winner!
howard

agsousa@esoterica.pt Thu Apr 1 09:20:07 PST 1999

Goodweed — "marinanra" ?? Explain, please. (See Shadows March 31)

Rhoda rfort@ren.net http://www.angelfire.com/nm/goldenpen Thu Apr 1 07:19:38 PST 1999

Jerry Lee,

The years in the western world--Anno Domine or In the year of our Lord--begin with the birth of Jesus, not his resurrection. Even that is not entirely accurate because historians claim that our present calender has deviated from that time and that Jesus was actually born in the year 4 BC. Theoretically the crucifixion of Jesus would have been in 33 A.D.

I reactivated my ICQ last night. Jai, I am sorry I missed you. It would have been great to have chatted a few minutes. I am glad you are back on the notebook. I loved your poem about depression. Thank you for sharing it.

Thomas,

Is that what a blue moon actually is--the second full moon of the month? I never knew.

Well, time to go and get the oil changed on my old van.

Happy writing!

Rhoda

Allein allein_anderson@hotmail.com http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Hollow/283 Thu Apr 1 07:06:31 PST 1999

Thanks to all who have been so nice to me and given words of comfort. They help a lot.
Actually, I'm not going to the memorial service because I can't get a ride there. My friend's mom can't take us and my parents said if it was any other time, they'd do it, but we're leaving for Florida on Saturday (I haven't packed yet!!!) and they need to get stuff done at work.

And no one was in the chat last night, at least, I didn't see anyone, so maybe there is something wrong with the chat room. Perhaps we could try again tonight - same time.

Bai bai,
Allein

Hootie Krichael@aol.com Thu Apr 1 06:38:43 PST 1999

Thomas--We thought that spring had sprung out here in the west, but Salt Lake got hit by a late snow storm last night. One of those where the weather men say, oh, it will only last for a few hours, and there won't be much accumulation. Then it snowed all night, and we're up to four inches at my house. This after two weeks of beautiful spring weather.

This is like life: the ups and downs are often unexpected, and often more intense than we would like.

Allein--I tried to chat with you last night, but I don't think I'm doing it right. I was there at 8:05 PM (your time), but I didn't see anyone else. I hope you got to talk to someone, though.

I tought I had a good quote for today, but I lost it. Oh, well, next time then.

Thomas Thu Apr 1 06:22:22 PST 1999

All,

Not only is spring in swing, March 31 was the Blue Moon (second full moon of the month) and April 1 (here in New York) has given us our first warm April shower. Crocus, daffodil and a beckon garden area have already sent signals to my aging back to prepare for endless bending over -- but I love it. The fig trees have popped their leaves. Joy, Joy!

Jai,

I do like the concept you present that we should cry clean tears; that is the purpose of crying -- to cleanse.

A lot of people are afraid of depression and sadness yet, like death and taxes, they are an integral part of living. You know the old saying, "one can't experience joy without having known sorrow." Some of us, myself included, suffer from periods of clinical depression. While I hate when I am in them, those periods help me to produce my most heart-felt, evocative writing, and it was out of depression at a young age I discovered writing as both a release and a way to seek and to discover answers.

So, the answer to life's cruel and unusual punishment is to write.

Jerry Lee,

True enough on the baby analogy, but centuries are, have been, measured by the one you are in, not the one you left behind. When you count on your fingers, and begin with zero, the first finger is actually the end of the period between zero and one. So, all during that period, you are in the number one, albeit in phases of it; building towards its completion.

Some refer to babies as "in her first year." I have heard people refer to babies in many ways, so I don't take it as Gospel, just thorw it out for your enjoyment in the quest for logic. Did I tell you that philosophy (logic) was one of my favorite college courses. According to my wife, I could debate endlessly, whether or not the subject is worth debating.

Xavier ek282789 Thu Apr 1 06:12:44 PST 1999

Hello.

Well, after reading all the new posts, i am spent. If you miss this board for a day or two, it's really hard to catch up again. I also wrote a peice to post on 'Shadows', but have'nt finished reading what was written before. Oh, dang it all!

Unto Allein, i would like to offer my sympathys to you and your fallen friend in your time of need. I've lost too many friends from things like that over the years, and only a few are still alive. I can only hope that you feel better soon, and can find some peace in your writing here. Obviously, everyone here is behind you. For your friend, I can only hope that if nothing else, he finds peace at last, where ever he may be.

You are all in my prayers.

Xavier

Jon Thu Apr 1 03:59:25 PST 1999

Yo. I'm Jon, agsousa's neighbor's sacred cat — for the newbies who don't know me.

Today's fool's day. But I'm always serious. No humor. I speak catatonics, of course. But being from Africa — ebony fur and large brown eyes — I also talk ebonics.

My neighbor, also called Américo, the husband and conscience of America, appointed me the official critiquer of "Shadows". Only the truth, Jon, the cruel truth — he said onto me.

The novel still needs substance (I liked Goodweed's latest description of cheeses etc). "Tout faire entrer dans le roman" — he said (André Gide). Learn French, people, a writer can't do without it. And good dialog. I can't see the physique of people. Fundamental. More interaction would be welcome, though not crucial.

Jerry Ericsson — don't sleep, develop what you wrote and describe us your machinations/schemes. The more descriptions the better. I want to learn everything about guns, missiles, nuclear bombs and other lethal weapons you may have invented. Consider "Bloody Angle" (now Doyers Street) in China Town for your plotting. Would it be fit to imagine the meanders of a real frustrated killer's mind rather than a nice funny killer? I don't know, and my neighbor hesitates as well. Try to kill Arly instead of Steve. Or agsousa. Don't kill me, please.

Lena: Never displease your reader. A single sentence can kill you. Now, be true to yourself and don't change. Glad you are already 18. So I can sleep at your feet, if I also go to the Chelsea. The neighbor kicked my ass when I suggested that, but he's the most generous of men and I am very persuasive. I'm afraid he has strange plans NOT to go to N.Y and still be there. Let us wait and see.

Agsousa — your decadent narcisism and doubtful humor displease me strongly. And be nice to Maria Emília or I'll scratch you all over.

Form and formatting — the spelling must be American (did you hear, agsousa?) and there must be a space between paragraphs. Cybernetic style, you know (I hate it).

Now for other (more exciting) subjects. I met a nice kitten in the surroundings. Spring is killing me. And I can't miau (should it be meouw?) too loud in the nights. The neighbor is a true puritan and hates sex — he is not British. I have the vigor of rain forest in me blood. Could I be a bit untoward, please? Grow up, writers, and don't be just paper people.

Michele michele@sassoonery.demon.co.uk Thu Apr 1 02:50:14 PST 1999

Hi

I'm taking a break from trying to write an essay and thought I'd stop by here...

Hootie

From what I've heard and experienced it's pretty normal to feel anger at the death of a loved one - whether from suicide or more "natural" causes... I'd say it was better for you to express that anger than keep it locked up - some psychiatrists claim that depression is anger turned inwards... but either way, it's better out than in...

Allein

Sorry to have missed the chat last night... hope that the memorial service helps you to deal with things...

Avatar

The email virus is called "Melissa" not "Melanie" - don't go upsetting the girl... :-)

Anyways I need to get back to Jane Eyre and Wide Sargasso Sea and my essay thereon...

Talk to you later folks,

Michele

Studies serve for delight, for ornament, and for ability.
-- Francis Bacon : Essays : Of Studies

(Someone please remind me of this next time I ask to be reminded why I am doing my degree... !)

Jai Jai@VoidIfNotRemovedTowersoft.com.au Wed Mar 31 21:34:12 PST 1999

Be warned, long post that may contain desturbing material and does contain strong feelings...

Allein - Warm soft cloaks of compassion to wrap around you shivering self, come in out of the cold, the wet. Sit with me here in this quiet place and let the warmth of our fire, the heat of our heartfelt words lull you into our world, here, on this workbook.

I'd also like to echo S.K.S. in his offer of friendship and that goes, again, to all of you.

It it strange, suddenly my life has been filled with sad people and now we have another tale of woe from Litter. Well sadness does not need to be depression. Cry in sadness not self pitty. Cry clean clear tears.

Write, writing is the answer, I don't know where I'd be without a pen and paper if all the tales of woe I have written could be put together I'd have three books already. What was the statisics on the Human body series? A human cries and average of 40 buckets of tears in a life time. Some of those are joyful tears but most of them are sad ones.

Here is something I wrote once, yes we where all depressed --


That is not how to write.

Slamming sickeningly into flesh, bones crunch loudly. Dark eyes weep dark tears. Hot searing pain. Blood soaks into skin. Agony explodes splintering ice into my hands, my eyes, my mouth. My tongue a bloody mangled snake writhing in its hollow pit. My naked skin torn from me by the violence that washes through my heart like a sea of hurled stones.

Love Jai


The tales of youth are often sad, it is a passion that will forever burn within me. People are definatly fragile in their early adult hood and alot of things don't help, school is or was for me one of the biggest and most depressing places. I know how you feel Allein when you (half - joke) about it as a prison. "Don't smile till easter" an old teachers saying. Is suppose to make sure the students know who is boss. Yeah great idea...

Cassandra - You are wise. Those are great words. Thankyou for you respect and admiration, you just earned mine. But to further add, it is so easy to turn away from those that are depressed, but it is not the right thing. Do not fear becoming depressed yourself for that is I think the reason why we turn aside. A smile is not going to cost you the world, honest...

Lena - You to are wise, ohh what wisdom we have here. However when I hear of suicide something inside does not go quite, it flares up. White hot, anger, passion. Nobody should get that depressed, WHY, why....

"The Breakfast Club" -- I think I watched it 100 times or more while I was going throught the terrible teens. I LOVED that show, it made me cry ever time ( Just ignore this line if your a MAN, I'm a man to and didn't really cry, we don't cry after all. Just trying to impress the babes with my SNAG impression, heh )

Thomas - That is a very sad tale. One of my first girl friends rang me and told me how horrid and awful I was and that she would never speak to me agian. I have no idea why and it took me a good 24 months to even begin getting over it. I must have been orders of magnitude worse for you. You have written alot about it? I can usually tell how bad something was in my life by the number of pages it took before I was feeling normal again.

A little pain never hurts -- Jai ( when he is depressed, always makes him smile and carry on )

Jerry jerrag@sd.cybernex.net http://www.geocities.com/soho/lofts/9304 Wed Mar 31 20:37:06 PST 1999

Greetings all:

Since we were talking about taking of ones own life, take a look at my webpage, if you are interested, my first call so many years ago is related in a true story.
I have added my next addition to Shadows. It is going to be a long drive but I have done it before, and I can do it again. While I have never been to New York City, I did live in Arlington Va. while serving with The Old Guard of the Army back in '76, and the distance should be about the same. Sure wish I could have made the plane but you know how touchy they are about carrying of firearms on board.

Jerry Lee JerryLeeJr@xoom.com Wed Mar 31 19:49:13 PST 1999

Thomas,
This is a hard one to explain, but bear with me...In the life of a child, we don't call the child a one-year-old during the time between birth and a year later, that distinction comes to him (or her...to be PC) after the completion of that year.

Likewise, the year 'One' doesn't start until the completion of the 12 months after the death (and Ressurection) of Christ.

The answer to your question, therefore, is that within the 12 months directly following the crusifiction of Christ, it was not reffered to as the 'First Year' at all.

What they called it, if anything, is known only to those who were there. They probably just said something like, "It's been 7 months," "It's been 8 months," and so forth.

A good question, but I think the logic holds true.

"Little pink houses for you and me..."
Springsteen

Jerry Lee

Lena feylena@hotmail.com Wed Mar 31 17:53:55 PST 1999

SKS - Actually, twice as many females attempt suicide than males, but twice as many males succeed. This is because females tend to use pills or slitting of wrists, while males tend to use more direct methods, such as a gun. The last suicide at our school was a freshman who hung himself, which I imagine to be the worst way to die.

I believe there is a lot of stress on teenagers today. I once read an excellent article comparing schools to the workplace, and the stress involved in both. Has anybody here ever seen "The Breakfast Club?" Not all of the situations in that movie are cliches... in the movie, there is a straight-A student who had brought a gun to school in order to commit suicide because he was failing shop class. I myself had the worst trouble in shop, and that struck me because it echoed my life.

Don't worry, though, because I am one of the most boringly well-adjusted people I know. I have never suffered from depression or contemplated suicide. The fact that many of the people on here have is somehow... disturbing? Strange? When I find the right word, I shall tell you.

Americo - In the year 2999, if I am still around, I would be a creaky, nasty old grandmother (many times over) but I suppose...

Howard - It's great to hear that you finally broke out of that prison of a neck brace! Hope your recovery continues to speed merrily along.

Write and be well,
-Lena

Thomas Wed Mar 31 17:27:54 PST 1999

Jerry Lee,

Question: When centuries began, which century were you in at 00:00.01, the first century or the one before it?

Rhoda,

You misinterpret me. I did not say we should cast aside statistics, although I believe in having a healthy skepticism against them. I also did not say that we should put aside the seriousness of the situation.

What I said, in different words, is that the problem is not new, and the past was not always as beautiful as we like to think it was, and it has little to do with schools or the young today or anything as banal. Suicide is an old, old human condition -- mass communication is relatively new; the former becomes more widely known as the latter becomes more prevalent, but the pain remains, no matter when, how or to whom. Blame is not the issue -- the human condition is the issue.

How old were Heloise and Abelard or how old did the Bard make Romeo and Juliet?

agsousa@esoterica.pt Wed Mar 31 17:03:07 PST 1999

Hootie — I beg to strongly disagree with you. I understand your grandfather very well and his act was not cowardly at all. It could have been an act of great courage — to spare his family pain or even to spare his own useless suffering. Only he could tell. You were brave telling us what you think and feel about his decision, and I sympathise with you. But I simpathise with your grandfather more. Sorry — I had to tell you this.

Unto Avatar — Hello there! I saw you in my e-mail box some years back. And I still keep your piece. Methinks I like energetic and imaginative people like you. You will never be late to Shadows, Avatar.

Lidia — How could I shut the door to you? Take your time, love (as they say in the Midlands and other parts of Britain).

Howard howard_tuckey@ibm.net Wed Mar 31 16:38:12 PST 1999

Allein -- I am sorry to hear of your friend's suicide, and I'll be praying for you.
To All-- I just received a note from LitterAli. He said that his father passed away suddenly this morning. Please remember him and his family in your prayers tonight. He'll be away from his e-mail for a few days, but I know he'll appreciate our thoughts.
---
And on a brighter note -- I can now go without that confounded neck brace! The doctor said my recovery is progressing very well. I got to see the X-rays this afternoon, and I couldn't believe the size of the metal brace he put in my neck, nor the eight (8) screws fastening it to the 4 vertebrae that were fused together! My neck muscles now ache after all that time not being used, but I'll get over that.
---
howard

Allein allein_anderson@hotmail.com http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Hollow/2823 Wed Mar 31 15:40:52 PST 1999

I'm feeling a little better now - still kind of in the fuzzy stage of denial, like he just moved away or something. It hurts to think he'll never be back. My friend (who also knew him) and I might go to his memorial service tomorrow.

Actually, perhaps we could schedule a chat tonight around 8 PST. I would like to talk to you again. If anyone wants to show up, I'll be there.

Well, I have some homework to do,
Bai bai,
Allein

agsousa@esoterica.pt Wed Mar 31 15:16:35 PST 1999

On depression and how to cure it.

Many years ago, I had a depression. Months and months consulting psychiatrists, psychoanalysts and other freuds (sorry, frauds). They gave me so many pills that I felt like a pill myself. When one of them advised me to try group therapy, I decided enough was enough. I talked to my hierarchical superior (I was a civil servant and worked for the Social Security Ministry) and told him I wanted to get sacked. I was a good for nothing and was there just for the money. "And do you have money to carry on?" Nope, but I did not care. He allowed me three months holidays. After three months I would go and talk to him again. So, I packed, left everything behind and went to London in the hope of becoming either a BBC speaker or a gardener. No vacancies. So I went to the South of France and tried to sell newspapers. I lived for some days in a little room that reminded me Van Gog's in a similar boarding house. It even had the famous straw chair. Till one day I took a train and travelled to Berlin. When I visited East Berlin I felt worse than I could have ever imagined. Communism was even uglier than capitalism. I could see that on the faces of the students who begged me escudos (can you believe it?) and were afraid of talking to me about politics. One day, I was looking at the façade of a beautiful museum. I could see that it was beautiful, but I could not feel the beauty. Actually the world had only one colour for me: it was gray. Gray in the morning and gray all day. I thought: "What's the use of being depressed abroad? I'll go back home and be depressed there." So I went back to Lisbon, the place I like best in the world. I rented a room and did not say anyone I had come back, because I still felt I did not want to see anybody. I did not want to see anything either. I just wanted to sleep but I could not sleep. The three months were over and I went to see my boss again. I was still unable for work but he had been so nice that I wanted to say goodbye to him. When I entered the huge hall of the Ministry, someone came running to me. Where had I been? Everybody had been looking for me for some time. The newspapers had talked, and the radio, and… It happens that the woman I had loved and of whom I had separated had sent a short-story I had written one evening, sipping whiskies with her in her pink bedroom while listening to the "Animals" and the "Beatles", to a contest sponsored by a well-know evening newspaper. I had won first prize and the story had already been published and they were looking for me because they wanted to give me the prize money. I felt my eyes opening with a smile I ignored existed. I knocked at my chief's door. "Here I am, Sir," I said. "I'm cured." He got up from his chair, small, fat, heavy body he was, and opened his arms around my shoulders and I saw that his eyes were slightly moist. It was springtime but the weather was still a bit damp. I did not get any other depression after that.

Hootie Krichael@aol.com Wed Mar 31 13:23:26 PST 1999

Everyone reacts to suicide differently, just as everyone reacts to death differently. If it's a soldier in another land, you feel almost nothing, and if it's your country's soldier, you might even feel pride. But when it's someone you talked to, even once, the emotions can threaten to overwhelm you.

My grnadfather killed himself almost two years ago. I have a hard time dealing with it because my grandfather and I had a tumultuous relationship, and because I was overseas in the Navy when I found out. I am still furious with him. He was from the old school, where you faced every challenge wth your head high, and the more challenges the better. But his body betrayed him; he was suffering from both cancer and old age. Instead of fighting, though, he gave up, and in the most cowardly fashion. I once admired him, because even though I didn't often agree with him, I respected his personal integrity. Now I don't know what to think.

Suicide is not a crisis of the young, it is a crisis of the hopeless.

I am sorry if I have offended anyone with this post. All this talk of suicide brought it up, and I felt the need to share. I realize that we are supposed to feel grief over the death of a loved one, but we must feel what we feel, so that we can eventually move past it.

All that said, I do feel sorrow for you, Allein. You are well loved here, and we want to help you any way we can. Death is an inevitable part of life, but it is so difficult to face.

Avatar gryphon5flame Wed Mar 31 13:03:19 PST 1999

Agsousa- don't you dare close it to latecomers! It's really not my fault that I haven't been around, but I'm not going to whine about that, seeing as how whiners get short spread here. I'm going to read it today or tomorrow and then make the time to type something up in it.

Stupid school computers are always bogged with people. Arrrgh!

Calm down, relax, get a hold of your feelings (I'm going to do bloody murder to anyone who gets in my way again--after two and a half weeks of being deprived of you guys over spring break, my nerves are riled)Maybe I'll write about that in my portion.

Oh, yeah, happy belated birthday Agsousa. ;)

Hi, if you haven't noticed yet, I'm back and I'm not letting vacations get the better of me again.

Anyone else know that that totally bogus e-mail virus is named Melanie? and that there's another one out there named Papa?

Au revoir great writers all. I sheath my sword in your prescence and my wings are bowed by the honor it is to be counted as one of you. May you live long and write well.

Come bring the light to darkened hearts,
share his truth with hardened hearts,
beyond the light, the world is,
but we can love him

Come bring the hope to hopeless men,
build the walls to found in him,
he came to save the world, so let us be,
In it not of it

-Avalon

P.S. it is a christian song, but i am thinking it may have some value here. just remember that as you write, you do not write just for yourself, but for others too. And THAT makes all the difference in this the world of men. In our hearts, our writing, and our souls we express things that many would not dare to say out loud, or feel. that is our mission as writers - to express things so vividly, so wonderfully, that even in the modern world one would fall down and cry while reading our visions, and hope that one day, all will be free to feel, without fear. To make a difference.....to be.......
To save the world, to create, or to destroy; the power to do so is within each of us. Write wisely

-Avatar

Rhoda rfort@ren.net http://www.angelfire.com/nm/goldenpen Wed Mar 31 12:42:41 PST 1999

S.N. and Thomas,

"Suicide among teenagers and young adults has doubled over the past ten years and is now the second leading cause of death
for this age group. For every teenage suicide there are 50 to 100 other self-destructive acts that do not result in death."

I didn't make this up. I quoted it from a website on suicide statistics I visited. Yes, it has always been around. Yes, I was very lucky to be raised among a fairly uncomplicated segment of kids in Mid-west America, circa 1977.

It is a natural thing to wonder about something so devastating and to make an attempt to understand it when you read about it and hear about it all the time. Suicide is symtomatic of a more stressful society and other social ills. I don't desire to discuss these matters on the Notebook, but I think to push the whole issue aside and comment that it has always happened accomplishes nothing.

Perhaps it is time for this country to wake up and examine some of its ideas. The best place might be to look at a national media that increasingly glorifies death (ala Jack Kovorkian). This is something everyone of us can only do personally. If there is a law we could pass, I don't know what it would be. I believe the answer lies in being sensitive to those around us and in being more open to our friends and loved ones. It might mean paying more attention to what type of television is viewed in the homes. It also might mean really hearing someone when they are in pain and don't know where to turn. But just brushing it off and accepting the appalling statistics that keep rising is not the thing to do.

Rhoda

Lydia Sweet lydiasweet@yahoo.com Wed Mar 31 12:14:15 PST 1999

Agsousa,

Please don't shut the door just yet. I have printed Shadows from the Workbook and am going to read it this weekend. I hope to be able to add my contribution by the middle of next week. I am having some minor oral surgery and hope this won't interfere with my ability to concentrate and work on the story. Please don't give up on us "latecomers" just yet.

I have been here and try to read as much as possible, but as work get busier, I find it harder to keep up and make a useful contribution to the current topics. I will try to keep in touch and listen to what is going on, but my contribution will be minor at best.

I wish everyone a pleasant and meaningful Easter holiday. I should be back by Wednesday of next week.

Lydia

agsousa@esoterica.pt Wed Mar 31 10:42:07 PST 1999

Hi you!
This is a full-time job for me! I have printed "Shadows in a Dream" up to the 30th March and we already have 50 A4 pages of text. That means that if each of us, collaborators, write 6 times what we already have — the book will be complete. I am even considering to shut the door to latecomers, unless Jack thinks it illegal.

The book is going to be a best-seller — the best cybernetic novel ever and the paradigm for a new genre. If you think I am exaggerating, print the material, light the fire, fill a good glass of whisky, kick the cat away, tell the spouse you are not in for anyone, lend her your credit card so that she goes shopping, sit down in your favourite rocking chair and read black ink on white paper (not the awful characters we get in our screens). Pure fascination! I already loved you tenderly, but now this is a burning passion.

Perhaps later I will make you a little quiz with some of the sentences in the book. You will be asked to guess their authors. And you will be surprised to see that Lena is not the only great poet among us.

And I had a fantastic idea. I am furious with the American publishers who have rejected some of your creations. The only way for me not to join our personal murderer and help him carry to New York his war arsenal is to…. start a publishing house! No less. Ten thousand dollars each of ten of us makes $100.000. Enough to found a little publishing house, I believe. In New York, of course. This reminds me a bit of Lasker, the chess champion (prior to Capablanca and Alehkine). Invited to make a chess magazine he became so enthusiastic with the idea that he tried to persuade everybody to buy a paper mill too, so that they never ran short of paper for the magazine. Well, he became bankrupt soon, of course. But we are smarter than Lasker, are we not? I am curious to know what you think about this.

S.N.Arly moobeast@sprintmail.com http://home.sprintmail.com/~moobeast Wed Mar 31 10:20:44 PST 1999

Jerry Lee - It's a losing battle since most of us don't really care about this millenium business. It's the advertisers who think it's something cool. A new toy or something.

Jon - Yo, yo, yo. So would the cat version of a special dilect be catatonics?

On suicide - It's not the schools that cause it, and I really get tired of society as a whole blaming everything on the schools, the teachers and the "system." Suicide is not new. It happened when I was in school. It happened when my mum was in school. It happened in the old country when my grandmum was growing up and most kids were lucky if they got to 8th grade. It happened before we had organized schooling. It is unfortunate, yes, and I don't mean to sound callous. But it is one of those unpleasant things in life that we each have to find a way to deal with.

S.N.Arly
"The sun will still rise in the morning."
my dad

Cassandra arcane128@hotmail.com Wed Mar 31 09:15:00 PST 1999

On the subject of depression, I forgot to mention in my last post that my mother (who counseled me through those bleak times) is an actual, clinical depressive. She started suffering from it at some point during the divource. And though she was supportive at times, there were also times where she (and my father) used my closeness to them both to insult each other.

But I've been dealing with that portion of my past for some time now. It's hard to learn how to trust and love again after being embroiled in that sort of situation.

Agsousa-

Thank you very much! :) I am unpublished as of yet. I don't know if I'd blame the publishers though... I haven't really finished anything that I consider worth publishing yet. My novel kind of got abandoned when I started college, and I'm just getting back to it now. (Yikes.)

Lena-

Casey's fine (yes I am! excuse the ego outburst). I just started posting under Cassandra to make my gender more clear. Well, I could have just screamed "I'M A WOMAN!" and ran through here naked. But unfortunately, I'm a little more subtle than that (and you can't see me, minor problem...).

Anywho, it's all good. There's still too much work to do. And I really should be in class right now, but it's way too nice out to be stuck in class right now.

I'm gonna go do a little writing, have a little fun... get down tonight, get down tonight (sorry I had too much candy this morning).

Ta ta

Casey

"I don't pretend to have the answers to life's questions. But I do pretend to be a monkey." - adapted from a Jack Handy quote.

S.K.S. Perry naejin16@hotmail.com Wed Mar 31 07:23:52 PST 1999

Allein,

My condolences. I'm sorry that you or anyone would have to go through this type of experience.

An aquaintence of mine in high school (I can't quite call him friend - we attended classes together, occasionally ate lunch at the same table, and went to some of the same parties. Apparently he thought enough of me to call for my help to back him up in a fight) committed suicide at a party at his place when I was seventeen. As fate would have it, I was the one who happened to walk down the stairs into the basement just as he pulled the trigger on the shotgun. I don't know if he'd been thinking about it for a while, or if alchol played a part in it, but it shocked everyone. He had plenty of friends, a good family life, and a great sense of humor.

Sometimes I wonder if it is simply a hormonal thing. There's all sorts of studies on girls and the changes they go through at this stage in their life, but most studies to do with males tend to focus on the sex drive. I know when I was at the age, I was moody as hell, and often considered suicide. Things seemed so bad at times that I figured the only release from torment would be death. I know the only thing that stopped me was stubborness - a totatl inability to give up or claim defeat. I just didn't have it in me.
Later in life, when I look back on those times, I realise that the things that drove me to such utter despair were really quite trivial. All in all, I had a REALLY good childhood - better than most - and was very popular in highschool. The only explanation I have for those bleak times is that it had to be hormones - those nasty little chemicals that affect the way we think as well as the way we grow.

I've been through some pretty lousy times in my life, but speaking from experience, some of those old, cliche sayings are pretty accurate. Time does heal all wounds (or at least the scars fade) and nothing is as bad as it seems - at least not bad enough to warrant suicide. As a worst case scenario, one can always chuck everything and start completely over. A new life just has to be preferable to ending one.

If you ever feel the need to talk to someone about anything - someone who will not be judgemental - feel free to call on me anytime. Email me, or set up an online chat, or I'll even give you my number and you can call long distance - I'll accept the charges. I've lost too many friends, and to think that I didn't do all that I could to prevent losing another would be unbearable. That goes for any of you here.

Be Well, Live Well.

Thomas Wed Mar 31 07:17:35 PST 1999

Allein,

I think I mentioned earlier that my first girlfriend committed suicide when she was 17 -- I was 19. Nearly 35 years after the fact, I still dream of her and wonder about our unfinished business.

You have my sympathy as well.

Rhoda,

As you can see from my post to Allein, it isn't just a today problem. Along with my girlfriend's suicide I have the memory of a male friend who jumped off the Verrazano Bridge from Brooklyn to Staten Island -- he was 18.

In each case, drugs were invlolved (35 years ago).

I really think we need to understand that what we see happening has been going on for a long time; we just have better communications now to learn about it more often, and the situation has spread from cities to suburbs.

Adults have a tendency to see the past in gauzy, rose colors. It simply isn't always the case.

Allein allein_anderson@hotmail.com http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Hollow/2823 Wed Mar 31 07:08:42 PST 1999

Well, I am feeling a bit better this morning - I hope it gets easier everyday. I can't stand to look at the sky though - not without crying anyways. I hope he's up there in Heaven.
I too have had bouts with depression (though, I've never actually been tested or positively diagnosed with it) and thoughts of suicide. I saw a consuler in ninth grade and now my parents are taking me to see one again because I've been depressed lately. This time, I'm going to ask to be tested for depression so if I have it, I can get help. I don't want to be pushed to the point of suicide.

Well, I have to go to school,
Bai bai,
Allein

Rhoda rfort@ren.net http://www.angelfire.com/nm/goldenpen Wed Mar 31 06:52:44 PST 1999

Allein,

I don't know what to say. Kids certainly do have to grow up too fast these days. I can only imagine what you must be feeling. You do seem to have a good attitude about it. Just hold on to these ideas when the dark feelings get ahold of you. If you do need to talk and air any of these feelings, feel free to share them on the Notebook or in private chat with your friends here or at home. Keep nothing inside, but talk about it. That has always worked wonders for me. Even if a friend isn't the best listener, talking through things helps us organize our thoughts and feelings and put them in perspective.

I have ask alongside Americo, what is wrong with America's schools? I don't remember anything like this happening when I was in high school. Only when I was a graduate student at Baylor did an acquaintance end his life. I didn't know him very well, but I grieved for him. Worse, I grieved for his father who was a professor on campus.

I think we should always remember and be thankful for the good things. As has been said by others here, life is certainly too brief, and good times don't last forever. Life is full of uncertainty, sadness, pain, and goodbyes. But on the other end, there is laughter, love, joy, and the everyday gifts we tend to take for granted.

I'm praying for you, Allein.

Rhoda

Michele michele@sassoonery.demon.co.uk Wed Mar 31 05:49:50 PST 1999

Allein

You have my sympathies... suicide is very devastating... Like Cassandra, I suffered from depression for a long time (2 years in my case) and I was also suicidal... I got sent to a mental hospital for treatment because I was considered such a risk (that is the reason for my not liking jokes about schizophrenia - I had to share a hospital ward with several and it is no joking matter...)

So I can understand a little how this boy was feeling... although each person's individual pain can never be fully understood by another...

A few years ago there were a great many suicides at Oxford University, and it is not unusual to hear of fairly young schoolchildren committing suicide - usually as a consequence of bullying...

I agree with Cassandra (Casey ?) that telling your friends and family how important they are is a most valuable exercise... the world might well be a happier place if we all did this...

Michele

agsousa@esoterica.pt Wed Mar 31 04:34:09 PST 1999

Good morning, Allein. After your sad news, I switched off the computer and went to bed. I refused to think much but I kept feeling nonetheless. Shouldn't we worry about the American school? There is certainly something wrong in a system where teenagers commit suicide. School should be a place for fun and love and not for tears and boredom. But you have us here to cheer you up. We have duties towards life. And the show must go on.

Steve — I hope you saved some of your wife's birthday cake for me. Greetings to her, a bit late but warmly!

Jerry Lee — Yes, I counted till 2000 but I do not know where I put my fingers in the process and got lost somewhere between my neck and my left foot. Shall I postpone my programmed trip to the moon to the year 2001? I called my travel agent and he still does not agree with you. And by the way, is it nine months or nine months and a finger for a baby to be born? J

Lena — You still have a day left, darling. In case you miss this great opportunity, be more attentive on the year 2999.

Jerry (Dakota) — If you go to the workshop and read Goodweed's piece (which everyone should), you'll know that he has tried to stop you from killing us all. Your plane ticket has been mysteriously cancelled. I am glad you make your abominable trip to New York by car. That will give us a chance to cause you a little accident somewhere among the mountains… Beware of Hootie, who also travels by car. (Am I a spy or what?!?)

Cassandra — I am really impressed with your talent! Are you an unpublished writer? If so, the American publishers must be very stupid.

I will have adequate words for each of the "happy few" should occasion arises. (And I also want some for me!)

Jack Beslanwitch jack@forwriters.com Tue Mar 30 21:44:44 PST 1999

      Allein: My sympathies. And my deep understanding. I had a good friend of mine and others commit suicide a number of years back. We later discovered that she had been hiding the fact that she was a clinical manic depressive who had gone off her medication. This still did not prevent our initial reaction to be extreme anger that this could have come about. In reflection, that is not necessarily an accurate emotion to experience at a time like that, but it is a natural one. Death is never something easy to come to terms with whether it is from long excruciating disease or suddenly or something like this.


      However, I think you hit on the right thing when you point out how precious life is and how important it is to put all into perspective. Grab hold of the joy that is life and the wonder and the mystery.
Just a thought.


Jerry jerrag@sd.cybernex.net http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Lofts Tue Mar 30 19:57:38 PST 1999

Allien - so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend - over the years I have had the sad duty to investigate so many such incidents. Yet after all the questioning, and all the investigating, I could never come up with the answer why. There have been times when the thought of self destruction come to all of us - we must be strong to resist those feelings.

Cheer up, you have such a promising future - your easter story was great, I had to share it with my children - they loved it.

Although I have been to the Rushmore Monument many times, it is a long drive from my home, over two hundred miles. I live in North West South Dakota. However something about Washington's mouth sounds promising. I may have to have my charcter visit the monument on the way to New York.

Jerry Lee JerryLeeJr@xoom.com Tue Mar 30 19:34:49 PST 1999

Allein,
My sympathy. I know the heartbreak of a friend gone early. Take heart in the fact that we are all here for a short time and that laughing with your friend in class was at least more than if you'd never known him. We all have something to offer, no matter when we leave. Take those things he's left you and cherish them. It is in memory that we recognise the best times.

Agsousa,
If you count to 2000 on your fingers, when you get to 2000, you will be on the last finger of the ten, not the first. Not being a mathematician, I will trust to logic.
As the ones who hope to pass on our thoughts and experiences to others, it is our responsibility to be accurate first, traditional second and wrong, never. Unless, of course it sells books.

Everyone,
What do you think? 2000 or 2001?

Jerry Lee

Lena feylena@hotmail.com Tue Mar 30 16:58:33 PST 1999

Hullo all.

Allein - My sympathies. Death is humbling, but remember that we are all here for you, and life is worthwhile if you make it so. My philosophy is, everybody would be happy if we learned to appreciate the simple things... a friend's smile, a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie, the excitement of learning something new, the clean caress of a spring breeze, the smell of a new book, the contented feeling you get when you are with those who know you best. We have had far too many suicides at my school, and something inside you goes quiet each time you hear of one.

Agsousa - Yo! And, uh, I have definitely not been trying for the first child of the new millennium award!

Jon - Yo! (or, in kitty ebonics, meowing with an attitude)

Jack - I myself have always been partial to taking my tea with white gloves and crumpets, pinky held upright and napkins in the lap. Except, of course, I don't drink tea... I suppose I should be grateful that I am serving and not being served. Shall we dress you up in a butler's outfit and have you help us? You could wear one of those tuxedos with the long tails...

Cassandra - May I call you Cassy? Cassandra sounds so very formal... anyway, I often refer to my "past youth," an ironic phrase if there ever was one... okay, okay, I admit it, I still have a thing for Billy Joel! My youthful years, indeed! Yea verily.

Right now I am listening to Fleetwood Mac, a newly discovered treasure. Last summer I worked at a Girl Scout camp, and one of my fellow staff members was a fanatical Fleetwood Mac fan. Well, to make a long story short, she introduced me to their music, and now I think of her whenever I hear the song "Rhianna." She would break down in tears whenever she heard that song... she would stand their with tears running down her cheeks and a sad, but strangely hopeful, smile on her face. Awkward at times, but that was part of her charm.

"Some will fall in love with life and drink it from a fountain / that is pouring like an avalanche, coming down the mountain."
-Lena

Cassandra arcane128@hotmail.com Tue Mar 30 16:49:12 PST 1999

Allein-

I'm sorry to hear about your fellow student. I thought that I'd just share a little tidbit of my own life with you. From about the age of 13, til I was 17, I was a very depressed girl. My parents dragged out divource proceedings for those 4 years of my life. During that time, my self-esteem was dangerously low, I thought that no one appreciated or even wanted me around. Sure, I could get people to laugh, and smile... but I never gave that a second notice. Because as far as I saw it, I was worthless. Others were more talented than I, more attractive than I, more popular than I. I contemplated suicide on a daily basis. And no one knew... No One. If it hadn't been for my mother, and her assurances that I was not only talented, but beautiful as well, I might not be typing this right now.

I guess my message is that you can never tell, and that you should always take the opportunity to tell others that you apreciate them. Why are people so afraid of comlimenting others? I can't understand that now, and that's why I take every chance to tell my friends how much I care, about them, and respect their talents.

On that note, all of you here have my respect and admiration. You're all exceptional writers, and obviously have guts, because to display your work in front of those that you don't know is like walking naked down the street. It can give you a thrill, yes, but it also puts you in danger of being hurt. Each and every one of you has something unique, something that validates your life, and though the commonalities are nice, it's the differences that makes you the people who I care for.

Well then, I should get back to doing some writing now. Allein... If you're on IM later, I am more than willing to talk. Til then, smile, and know that life is worth every up and down, every twist and curve... the dark only serves to remind us of how powerful the light is.

'Later

Casey

"You've got to dance like no one's looking. Love like there is no tomorrow, and live like it's heaven on earth!" - I forget where it's from, but it just seems to fit here. :)

Américo agsousa@esoterica.pt Tue Mar 30 15:53:40 PST 1999

Allein, I am so sorry. I have no words. Your post certainly showed up the moment I was writing mine. What can I say, Allein? Let us pray for your schoolmate, each of us in our humble, awkward way. Take care, my dear friend.

agsousa@esoterica.pt Tue Mar 30 15:46:04 PST 1999

Yes, Jerry, some Mathematicians say that but not tradition. Is 1900 19th century?

Anyway, that's not the question. The question is that everyone here has been trying all day to make the first baby of the 21st century and forgot to say "Yo" the their favourite cat. I'm a cat, you know? Are there intelligent cats like me in South Dakota?

Allein allein_anderson@hotmail.com http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Hollow/2823 Tue Mar 30 15:36:31 PST 1999

I have some incredebly sad news to report. A boy in my Japanese class killed himself yesterday morning. No one saw it coming on. The class was really depressed today - our teacher had to leave the room because she started to cry. As for me - I've been depressed. It makes me realize that little things like parties and grades don't matter. Life is short and we should live it to the fullest. I was praying silently at times throughout the day and crying. This boy wasn't my friend, but I did know him. I sat near him and he could always make us laugh. I just wanted to post this here because I'm depressed and I can't talk about it or I'll cry, but if I write it, I don't cry as much. So, if I don't post for a few days or I seem in a depressed mood, you'll know why. If you or anyone you know is thinking about suicide - it isn't the answer, there is help. People do care.

Well, on a brighter side of things, I got another good comment about my story.

Well, I'm going to go now. (sorry, no smiley face this time)
Bai bai,
Allein

Jerry Lee JerryLeeJr@xoom.com Tue Mar 30 15:14:44 PST 1999

Jon,
Sorry to be a stick-in-the-mud, but if you want to have the first baby of the new millenium, you'd better get started this time NEXT year.
The next century, (officially) starts at 12:01, January 1st, 2001.
The year 2000 is the END of this century...not the beginning of the next.

Cassandra arcane128@hotmail.com Tue Mar 30 14:04:55 PST 1999

Whoops... that's what I get for not paying attention to what I was doing.

Hi all (sheepishly grinning)

I've only got a moment, cause I want to run across campus to talk to a friend of mine before I go to class.

Welcome back Xavier, I'm an upstate New Yorker myself. Born and raised in Schenectady, going to college in Albany. Small world, huh?

I'll work more on Shadow's ASAP... unfortunately, I have to get moving now. I have a test in my night class tonight, and I didn't study for it yet. (Eek!)

ta ta...

Casey

"How many artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 5, 4 to hold down the subject and one to screw in the lightbulb." - joke courtesy of my friend Squirell (Stacie)

Cassandra arcane128@hotmail.com Tue Mar 30 13:58:16 PST 1999

JON Tue Mar 30 13:01:15 PST 1999

May I be so bold as to remind you that today and, with a bit of luck, tomorrow will be the only night to have a baby on the first day of the 21st century?

That is not enough reason for not saying "yo" to me for so long. Can't you make a break, boys and girls?

Anyway, I demand the little kid to be called Jon, like me.
I already feel I am a kind of godfather. At last I will have a family, sort of.

P.S. If it should be a girl, the name is America, the feminine of my neighbor.

S.K.S. Perry naejin16@hotmail.com Tue Mar 30 11:13:54 PST 1999

Hey all,

Dallin, I remember you. As I recall at the time, you were having woman troubles, but had solved them. I hope everything has worked out for the best. I'm glad to see you back, and that you're writing again. Hopefully you will become a more permanent fixture around here.

Be Well, Live Well.

Michele michele@sassoonery.demon.co.uk Tue Mar 30 10:25:51 PST 1999

Agsousa You don't quite have my name right now - it's "Fry" not "Frye"... and yes, I am a woman... I had said before actually... and what's esoteric about my REAL name... that's not a login - that's christened name ?

Michele

Michele michele@sassoonery.demon.co.uk Tue Mar 30 10:22:35 PST 1999

Hi

Yes Agsousa, I went to Oxford - one day is not enough to spend there but it was all I could spare so I had to make do...

I met up with a friend and we spent about an hour together having a good chat - that was after I hit the bookshops - have to get my priorities right ! grins !

I am fairly sure that NY is bigger than London - but as I've only briefly visited London and I've never visited NY, I could easily be wrong... Someone here must know for a fact how many square miles (or kilometres) they each cover...

I have given though to doing some stuff on Sassoon for Shadows, but I do not have the time... so sorry, not this time round...

I am absolutely zonked as it is...

Michele

Biting my truant pen, beating myself for spite,
'Fool', said my Muse to me, 'Look in thy heart and write.'


--Sir Philip Sidney : Astrophel and Stella, 1591.

agsousa@esoterica.pt Tue Mar 30 10:12:12 PST 1999

Unto Michèle Frye — I have your name right at last (I think). So you are a woman. I should have guessed it a long time ago and known for sure more recently, but as I said I'm awful at names and guessing what gender is behind these esoteric "logins" (that's how we call our @ hierogliphs in Portugal). I hadn't seen your latest post when I published mine. So only now did I visit your Sassoon page. Very good stuff and very good taste. Congratulations. Sorry about having pestered you with "Shadows". Happy Easter, Michèle.

Unto Dahlin Sphere — Man or woman? Not that that matters much. Just to avoid misunderstandings. Welcome aboard. It's good to give up writing from time to time, but so much better to resume that old forgotten story. Good luck for "The Legend of Sandsharks". I once wrote a novel called "The Death of the Whales"... We definitely like animals here (some people hate cats, be warned :-) (just kidding).

Unto Xavier — I am the one who cried once in front of this humane forum at seven o'clock in the morning (one can do anything before breakfast, cannot one? — I like this "one" thing : the third person the English language doesn't master well). Everyone's been missing you, Xavier. Why not tell us about those hard luck stories? Mine was very brotherly received and I felt much better. We are here to share, cry, laugh and love.

Unto all: I learned with Xavier this formula (Unto sb.) and I like it. Tell me, is this place going to be rather lonesome over the Easter holidays? There's the beach and the seagulls downstairs, but it's not the same thing, is it? No one has said "yo" to me today. "Yo" means "good day" in N.Y.C. Ebonics. You don't know what Ebonics is? Well...

Xavier ek282789@hvcc.edu Tue Mar 30 08:47:09 PST 1999

hello again!

Haven't posted much lately, but I've been millimg around reading all your posts. I haven't checked out 'Shadows' yet, but being an old N.Y. boy, I think I may just have to put my 2 cents in. I live in Albany N.Y. now and go to school for electrical engineering, but I spent most of my life just outside N.Y.C. I worked in the night club scene for about 10 years. I miss it. Anyhoo, I will post there soon.
Unto Allein, I would like to say that the Easter story you posted really touched me. Here i am, a grown man in the computer lab, trying to keep from letting a tear squeeze out. i have my image to protect you know. Stiil, it was sad. I thank you for shareing it.
Still haven't done much writing, mabey I'm spent forever. Life has really been beating me lately, and I've little stregnth left to write. Oh well, enough hard luck stories.
Glad to see so many new faces, welcome all.

"Hey bro, spare a quarter?"
Homeless man on corner of 42 St and 8 ave.

Xavier

Dallin Sphere dallinsfear@hotmail.com mine is too slow.. I'm moving to tripod.. in a bit. Tue Mar 30 07:14:56 PST 1999

Hello... I have been long away... and most likely... no one remembers me. I just wanted to say that I had quit writing... and moved on to other hobbies... but an email I received today has changed my mind. I am now reworking on my Prologue to my story... and my first chapter has been completely finished... and doubled in size. Fred Saberhagen has named my first chapter "The Legend of Sandsharks".

If you wish to read this chapter... please email me at dallinsfear@hotmail.com

also.. if you'd like me to read anything that you've written... please email it to me... and I will do my best :)-

Fare thee well,
dallin

agsousa@esoterica.pt Tue Mar 30 04:14:13 PST 1999

Jack (and all) — The hotel is not the Cheshire but the CHELSEA. Don't get lost, please.

ALL — "Shadows in a Dream" needs substance. Will everyone think of taking presents — significant presents for significant characters. What will I offer Lena, for instance? What will Allein offer me? Etc. Those who are already in New York (Steve and wife, Rachel) have a good pretext for going shopping while waiting for the other people. Another thing: will at least some of you take samples of the most typical food and drinks of your places of origin? Thomas is not to pay all the wines and delicatessen he is going to present (and serve) in the "wines and foods" taste ceremony. I will probably take to New York some port wine and Serra cheese (if my tango instructor can make it to the Big Apple — he's having health and psychological problems at the moment, but he will certainly be there at least in thoughts).

I have just taken Maria Emília to the airport. She's going to spend the Easter Holidays in S. Paulo (Brazil). I will be left alone in my small flat at S. João do Estoril. I am all yours for ten days. I am afraid you people are going to abandon me. I heard rumours about some of my friends going to Florida, others going to play golf. Don't leave me alone, please!

And now, the biggest surprise: I thought this morning of — besides the novel, which is almost done — write a screen play based on the novel! That depends on the plot you manage to concoct, the quality of the dialogues, the visual interest of the book. I told you I was not terribly impressed with Tom Stoppard (or Mark Norman). I need to prove I can do better (with your help), right? Please note that this is not a promise yet. Just an exhilarating idea. The screnplay will not be a round robin: it will be published in the novel section — unless Jack opens a new room entitled Screenplays (and Theatre) — allowing formatted text. This reminds me I have no proper software to write screenplays. I have just a demo of Final Draft. Well, nice gift idea for someone with a Mac... Thanks in advance, Thomas/Lena... We'll come back home from New York with excessive weight in our luggage... Needless to say that the money Hollywood will pay for the script will be distributed according to the round robin financial rules. I repeat that the screnplay based on the novel will only be written if the novel deserves it.

Lena — We still have two wonderful topics on the table: feminine and masculine literature and how to keep one's writing ideas. I'm sorry I'm occupying a lot of space in the notebook with Shadows — but this is vital for our future. Why not think of the Notebook as the theoretical room and the Workshop as the practical room? Theory without practice is just bla-bla.

Michele — So you went to Oxford for a visit. Lucky chap! I was a post-graduate student in Oxford (the ancient University) from 1981 to 1985 and
went back there in 1988 to defend my thesis on Eça de Queiroz (the XIXth century Portuguese novelist) and England. I also lectured in Cambridge from 1976 to 1978. And in Sheffield from 1974 to 1976. That's where I saw those funny graffiti. As you see I know your little island well. Actually my main purpose in writing to this Notebook is to try to recover the English I used to be fluent in. Are you sure New York is bigger than London? And: I was serious when I said that some observations on Sassoon could be nice stuff for Shadows. Give it a thought, please.

Kristina — I read you part with interest. I hope you already have enough guidelines to go on (with or without your husband). Please do not hesitate e-mailing me if you like.

Jack Beslanwitch Mon Mar 29 23:24:55 PST 1999

Re: Tea Time. The real question is whether or not it is High Tea ala the Empress Hotel in Victoria, British Columbia, or the Japanese tea ceremony. Whether dainty little sandwiches or sushi, I suspect, Alein, your and Lena's idea comes off better given the delightfully seedy aspect of the Cheshire. The only question is what we spike our tea with ;-). Or other spike our tea with...hmmmm... now there is an idea. Take care everyone.

Allein allein_anderson@hotmail.com http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Hollow/2823 Mon Mar 29 22:06:04 PST 1999

Lena - sounds like a plan. :)

I haven't been here since - well, yesterday. I went to a Seder meal yesterday - it was very interesting. I had never been to one. We had lamb - which I found out is very good. It has a little more fat than beef, but tastes so much better. It was fun.

Well, I'm tired, so I'm gonna go.
Goodnight, smile much,
Allein

Jai Mon Mar 29 21:24:57 PST 1999

To those who wondered,

The reasons I've been away are two fold. Firstly I have been moving house and sharing my place with a baby ( do you believe it ) and two young parents ( older than me buy hey ). Secondly, probably because of the termoil, I've been uninspired, my muse has vacated the premisis. Not writing I couldn't very well continue to freqent this writers group, I'd be a freud.

However the blight has past, words have been flowing ( is that why I'm so tired ) and new growth has come with the rain.

But will my muse stay around, I think so, with a nice empty house all to ourselves how could she feel unloved. I may be reading the achives and workbook for weeks before I have caught up but it's only a matter of time. A million things could be said about cats, aspirations, descriptions, plagerism and sad school days. Of course all such descussions have passed so I'll need to save my fevour for another day.

Lena - Thanks for missing me, as for my modesty, well my philosophy is we have to think well of ourselves, nothing to be gained thinking we are boring and plain, as writers we are far from. I know that I contain many people, many places and so what is some of them are sometimes meshed with my own vision of the world and myself.

Agsousa - Don't think you can get away unscathed, even now I'm creeping though the shadows, a cheeky boyish grin plastered across my lips. Just you wait till my grubby little hands find your...... notebook story ( heh )

Good day all. And smile for me. Thankyou.

Jai

Cassandra arcane128@hotmail.com Mon Mar 29 20:04:52 PST 1999

Hi all,

Lena--
We college students love Billy Joel, and we sing 'Piano Man' every karioke night her on campus. As for your 'younger years' I think that I'm older than you, yesno? Perhaps I should start waxing nostagic now... :)

I'm at the start of a pretty hellish week. Tomorrow I have to buckle down and make a solid attempt at getting the framework of my chair completed. I did the sewing part tonight, and am feeling pretty good about myself. :) The fun part is that I have extra fabric! hehe made a pillow and a draw-string bag, and still have more. I love creating things!

I have a giant selfportrait to do (they're forcing me, I don't want to scare the little kids... just kidding, I'm not Horribly grotesque). And another project coming up that I should get a jump on... Yikes, college sucks.

Well, no use wasting valuable time. I should be reading, or writing, or better yet, Sleeping!

Ta ta

Casey

"blah blah blah blah blah blah blahh... bla bla blah blahhh" - one of my professors, I think. (insightful, isn't it?)

Jack Beslanwitch Mon Mar 29 18:44:59 PST 1999

Just a warning. The Westercon Programming Team is going to be monopolizing the chat room for the next couple of hours. Take care everyone.

Jerry Lee JerryLeeJr@xoom.com Mon Mar 29 17:47:39 PST 1999

Cain,
You seem an Able writer.(lol) Your prose seems to flow like the river as it passes Minas Tirith.
I, too am a fan of Professor Tolkein. Many have the days passed seeing me on my back under the shade tree, enjoying tales of orcs and elves.
As to taking full advantage of this site, sign up on the workbook page to join the round robin writing sessions.
One starts, another adds, another adds, ad infinitum.
While I have not the backbone to add my two cents to the works in progress on the workbook, maybe the day will come.
As for me, the lurking troll of this page, welcome!
And as Master Poe would say, See you around the pages, Evermore.

S.N.Arly http://home.sprintmail.com/~moobeast Mon Mar 29 13:50:03 PST 1999

SKS - Now that's what I call applied knowledge!

S.K.S. Perry naejin16@hotmail.com Mon Mar 29 13:35:01 PST 1999

Hey all,

It's my wife's birthday today and I just finished baking her a birthday cake. Did you know that frosting can be used as a sort of body fill? Who says auto shop class was a waste of time!

The family's coming over for cake (the unsuspecting saps) when Pen gets off work, and then I'm taking her out to dinner (no not McDonalds - somewhere nice.)

I got her a little crystal rabbit, (It's the chineese year of the Rabbit and she's one)the movie "Ever After" because she loved it, a Walt Disney Cinderella collectable cell painting because she's a Cinderella fanatic, a Happy Birthday Ballon,and three roses- one from me and each of the kids.

Hopefully this is enough to get me a "Get out of the Doghouse Free" card for the next couple of times I screw up.

Have a pleasant evening all. I know I will.

Be Well, Live Well.

Michele michele@sassoonery.demon.co.uk http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Olympus/8608 Mon Mar 29 12:54:37 PST 1999

How nice ! I can post at last...

I have had a long but pleasant day in Oxford today... my one true day of vacation in an otherwise over-essayed Easter break !

I've stuck my web site URL at the top there so that anyone who's interested and hasn't already seen it, can wander over and read the newest section, which is the essay I wrote on war memorials for college - even though it's yet to be marked, I decided I thought it was good enough to put on my site... so if anyone here is at all interested in what this non-fiction writer writes like, I suggest you go take a look - you are unlikely ever to see my work in the Workbook (since I don't have access to it !)...

Anyway it's been a very long day and I've yet to read the paper so I'll push off now... 'Bye...

Michele

Too tired to think of quotes...

Lena feylena@hotmail.com Mon Mar 29 12:49:16 PST 1999

Allein – I know nothing about serving tea, so I say we dress up in French maid outfits and bumble our way through that delicate ceremony know as “tea time.” You could tease your tango teacher in that scandalous little black skirt and short lacy apron... I’ll wear an overcoat. Deal?

Jai – Where have you been? Don’t disappear, we need you here! And you are quite the modest fellow, comparing yourself to a lord of old... verra verra modest indeed. ;-)

Cain – Welcome to the notebook, I hope you post again.

During this next month or two, do not be alarmed if I post less frequently on the Notebook. Golf season is starting, and AP exams and finals are coming up, so my free time is suffering a slow death. However, next week is Spring Break and I have bloody well nothing to do... YES! I plan to get some reading done, some writing done, and also to hit the books and really start studying my chemistry.

Cassandra – Yikes, Billy Joel! He was my idol when I was a munchkin, I still know all of his songs by heart. I was in love once with a Boy Next Door (everybody needs one of those) when I was at the tender age of eight or nine (what can I say? He was a year older than me – an Older Man!) and I forced that poor boy to listen to all of my Billy Joel tapes. Like all these things, he eventually left me (his family moved), but I like to think that somewhere out there a blond-haired guy has a strange fascination with Billy Joel music for no apparent reason. I don’t even remember his name (Ben perhaps?) but I can still remember every game he had on his computer. Sigh. Memories...

Off I must be, I necessito escribir un papel para mi clase de historia. Uh, I mean, I need to write a paper for history class. Adios, amigos, y hasta luego!

It strikes me that we have not had a really good topic on here for awhile. Any ideas?
-Lena

agsousa@esoterica.pt Mon Mar 29 08:18:47 PST 1999

Jack: I got your e-mail but, for technical reasons, was unable to send the reply. The date is irrelevant and your research idea is great. Please take your time.

agsousa@esoterica.pt Mon Mar 29 08:04:05 PST 1999

To all dreamers already in New York (and to those who never read my posts):

The meeting takes place in CHELSEA hotel between 2 and 5 April, inclusive. (Year is irrelevant). The program is very simple:

1. Day one: 4 o'clock tea. Served by Lena and Allein.
Followed by Jack's conference about the history and purposes of the notebook.

2. Day two: Sin day. Anything can happen. Thomas promised us a wines and foods taste at 4 'clock. But will he come? Will anybody be sober enough to attend? And how will religious people react to such pagan event? How many people will be converted and to how many persuasions? How many will fight to death to save our souls? Will agsousa be present and preach that the only true religion is democracy and the artist's freedom its best expression? Will he be shot by the mouth of George Washington embodied in the figure of a psychotic gunman? Will Michele take advantage of the confusion to speak to us about Sassoon?

3. Day three : 7 o'clock pm — a ball of masks. Teenagers can organize their own separate ball. Please try not to scandalize adults with too fancy clothes, your special brand of music, play station games or coca-cola drinking. Try to speak English for a change and — don't behave yourselves, kids, it's easter holidays after all.

The next morning will be leave's day. European continental breakfast — just a sip of coffee and some orange juice, for those with any stomach left. Nothing else for me please. May I have a cigarrete?

AS you see, those who are still hesitating in taking part in this excursion to hell, paradise and back: most of the time is free time, and New York is waiting, with its smells, sounds and traps. A trip to dream and its nightmares, a trip to real life if that exists.

Cain Vorhees wilson_fisk99@yahoo.com Mon Mar 29 06:54:41 PST 1999

It is difficult for one such as I whose mind is constantly replete with ideas and inspirations, to find, converse and share the food of my thoughts with people who enjoy expressing their creative whims. I enjoy most literature but have found solace in the pages of writers such as Tolkein, E.A. Poe, H. James, Lovecroft to name but a multifarious few. It is testament to the selflessness of people who have created sites such as this and who enjoy the prospect of helping writers and the expressionally creative minority who wander the Earth.
I am 25 and have written many short stories and at the moment am stretching my multitasking abilities to the limit by working on two novel sized fantasy epics. I also enjoy writing and playing music and illustrating scenes from my many stories. Oh to be a bohemian!!
A warm hearted greeting to all who read my mesage. I would love to share stories and ideas with anyone who would be bold enough to contact me either by E-mail, a conventional letter, astral projection or telepathy(joke).
I reside in the thronging heart of that small north sea island known as Britain, or known to the layperson as London, England.
Also any information on further web pages for writers of ficiton and fantasy would be greatly received or even advice on how to use this sites full potential which I am sure I havent done yet.
Peace and strength to all.
Cain.

Thomas Mon Mar 29 06:33:47 PST 1999

Americo,

The Chelsea is indeed a little run down nowadays, but a greta place, as you have already mentioned. I believe Dylan Thomas died at the White Horse Bar nearby, where he did all his drinking.

I did not know that Nabakov did time at the hotel, but I did know he was an avid butterfly man and that he collected them in Ithaca, New York, not far from where I live.

As for the white port -- why don't you take it to New York and we can have it at the Chelsea, out of a brown paper bag, the way the locals do. Not familiar with Churchill either. Oh, but a good white port is sublime.

Hey all,

April 2 in New York should be a good time -- spring seems to have sprung, although New York City is at its best in the months of May and October.

I might be there, or I might not. Seems Notebook has plans for me -- AND FOR ALL OF YOU.

agsousa@esoterica.pt Mon Mar 29 02:54:00 PST 1999

Kristina — Shadows in a Dream is not necessarily on the dark side. Personally I am a humour fan! So, please write in the vein you thinK most adequate to your worldvison. I'm now going to read all the additions to the novel (they keep coming all the time!), and will pay particular attention to yours. If I find I can be useful to you, I'll say something. If I don't say anything, that'll be because you do not seem to need help. You can find more information about this collaborative project on the round robin section itself and in relatively recent posts. Try the archives, please. And, welcome to our little group.

agsousa@esoterica.pt Mon Mar 29 02:20:13 PST 1999

Jack — April 2 is a real date, as you know better than anyone else. It does not mean we'll have to synchonise our additions to Shadows with the temporary landmarks of the novel. After all, retrospects (and flashforwards) are good technical elements in novel writing. The date is an indication for the weather and general atmosphere we'll find in New York in Spring when we "meet" in CHELSEA Hotel. This hotel is situated on the 23rd Street (no 222) of Chelsea and Garment District (underground: 23rd St or 34th St-Penn Station; telephone : 243-37000). There live permanently some extravagant people who can also provide us with nice extra characters. It is apparently the world's most famous hotel for literature evocation, and the iron rails of the balconies(?), representing stylised sunflowers, are very pretty. It was buiIt at the end of the 19th century and there lived for a while people like Tenesse Williams, Mark Twain, Jack Kerouac, Nabokov and Brenda Behan, among others whose names are in plaques in the hotel. Dylan Thomas died there, after having drunk 18 whiskies in a single "session". Let us hope our names will also honour the interesting red brick façade of the six or seven floored building... I have reserved the penthouse for me, though I fear they'll give me instead the suite Sid Vicious killed his girlfriend in 1978... The hotel was scenery for Andy Wahrol's movie *Chelsea Girls*. It is now a somewhat decadent hotel, but the staff is very kind. It is not too expensive (just average). I learned all this in a Guide to New York I am reading at the moment. If you find the website of the hotel, please give us the URL. Thank you for collaborating in this project. We already have 100K of it! Greetings to your wife. Her collaboration would be very much welcome.

Hootie — you are right, of course (as usual). Let everybody write as they please.

Jerry — I saw this weekend a film on South Dakota and thought of you. Are you living in the mouth of George Washington at Rushmore? It seemed such a far away place! I loved it. But you are wrong about the Mac not allowing you to trick with the basics. Do you know Resedit? Just one of the resource editors allowing you to change a lot of things. Never mind that. Hope you go on with your "killing instincts" — in an artistic, not just funny way.

Thomas — I saw today a bottle of Nieport white port in a wine shopping and bought it for you. I will not send it by post, though. I have kept it for us to drink it here, one day. The wine shop keeper told me that for him the best white port was "Churchill". I had never heard of that brand.

All — The novel is starting becoming interesting. It has reached a point allowing inner interactions. I mean, it's possible to get inspiration in the others' additions and, indirectly, answer to them — just as in the notebook. I am only afraid of repetitions and sanctimonious feelings. One of the unbearable common places of American TV series is the way family is depicted. All those people saying I love you at any time (even before breakfast!) get on my nerves. A family is a place of conflict par excellence. That is the truth — and literature is about good AND evil, as in life. Literature was not made to moralise or to depict the boring souls of holy people. To sin is human, not to sin is boring (boredom — the worst of all sins). We are just fictional characters, not real people. No one should take for granted the CHARACTERS in our novel. The tango teacher does not really exist as such, he is not 39 and does not live in a large villa (although his creator has a small flat by the sea). Lena is not a person but a Greek muse. Let us be free and sincere as Dostoiewsy was when he wrote *Crime and Punishment*. (He was wrong with the punishment side of his book, but I liked it because I always loved old women). I am impressed with the quality of the writing and I feel it is going to improve when people understand this is a serious project and even a promising one. Probably the posts will need a bit of editing and we can't forget that it's very rare for a novel to become perfect in a single version. I am becoming a bit intimidated because I never wrote a novel in English and can't compete with your excellent prose. But I am enjoying this experiment and I'll continue giving my best — with the greatest enthusiasm.

Jai Jai@VoidIfNotRemovedTowersoft.com.au Sun Mar 28 22:06:48 PST 1999

Hehe,

OK I've spent two hours reading the archives. I really need to go home.

Lena - Pretty close on the description.

Greetings all you new people. Hey here is a quick description I wrote the other day,

Sweet taste. This place makes a good banana smoothie. Even if this buckwheat is a big gritty. I sigh and relax, it has been a long journey, the trip from Melbourne to Canberra on the train is always tiring. My mind wonders and I notice a man sitting crosslegged, alone on a bench beneath some trees. He is dark, long dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. Dark eyes and a dark olive complexion. I am stuck imediatly by his beard and hair. Not many of the men wear their beards, and I get the impression he is not like them. He almost looks like a lord of old, with the beard and dark thoughtful eyes. It is hard to tell his age, the beard though short hides his face, he isn't old, middle aged at most though perhaps younger. Like a lord of old he is not skinny, far from, a solid man though short in stature. At first he seems to be watching the people, but after watching him for a time I realise this is not the case, no he is mearly contemplating, his gaze only erratically straying here or there.

This is no easy feat, describing oneself from anothers perpective. But it's fun :)

Jai

Kristina Frendlycat@aol.com http://members.aol.com/JLebeck/Jacob.html Sun Mar 28 21:11:25 PST 1999

Hi all! I just got done reading back through old posts...I didn't quite catch the fact that shadows is supposed to be a little on the "dark" side...If anyone has any suggestions on what direction my characters (my husband and "myself") should take I would be more than happy to hear them and work with them before I write anything else! While commenting on this to my husband (that the characters shouldn't be too "rosy") he actually suggested we could get in a huge fight, and have it come out that I had cheated on him before and that he actually came along because he is afraid I would find someone to replace him with, etc...
Anyway, I'm open minded...I don't feel like I can do too much without knowing what everyone has planned for their own characters!
But I'm not into blood so I prefer not to write anything gory! Jerry can stick to that!
Oh, one last thing before I sign off to go eat dinner!
I almost made a huge mistake and deleted an email from Rachel today! The reason being that I usually delete mail when I don't recognize the sender, since they usually end up being "porn site leads" and also because I've heard of too many people picking up viruses from strange email. so in the future, if anyone emails me and I don't respond, I'm not being rude, I might have accidentally deleted it! a way to avoid that would be to put "notebook" in the subject line or something like that! granted, if your notebook name is the same in your email address, then that's nothing to worry about anyway! but thanks again rachel!:>
need to go...talk to you all later!

W. Olivia Race nicirace@aol.com Sun Mar 28 20:12:16 PST 1999

Hi all. Haven't done much writing this weekend. Friday nite was spent in chat rooms ( I am becoming addicted). The rest of the weekend was spent creating a trivia quiz for a buddies website. She'll be posting one of my stories on her webpage. So excited!

Anyway, I will check out the new Shadows entries.
Unfortunately my knowledge of the Chelsea Hotel is limited to a quick driveby and the film "Sid and Nancy". As a former punk I am embarrased not to know more. Isn't in a run down area? Should I bring mace to our meeting... or at least a good bodyguard?

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." Johnny Carson

Cassandra arcane128@hotmail.com Sun Mar 28 20:06:31 PST 1999

Ahhhh, (contented sigh)... I'm back on campus in my dorm room now. Back to using my perfectly functioning keyboard and my reasonably fast network connection. (YIPPIE)

I haven't gotten to write anything more for Shadows yet, but I have some plans in the works...hehehe ;)

Unfortunately, my art projects kept me fairly busy for most of the weekend. Oh yeah, and the dance was a lot of fun. Of course people are now speculating on the status of couplehood of my friend Chris and I... we're just friends, and I for one would rather keep it that way right now.

Once I get the one project and the other work accompaning it out of the way, I'll continue my piece for 'Shadows'... til then, I'll try to keep up to speed on everything, and take some mental notes (so many things to do, so little time...)

Good night all

Casey

"You may be right. I may be crazy. But it just might be a lunatic you're looking for. Turn out the lights. Don't try to save me. You may be wrong for all I know but you may be right" - Billy Joel

Allein allein_anderson@hotmail.com http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Hollow/2823 Sun Mar 28 18:07:38 PST 1999

Howard, Rachel - I'm sorry I haven't read your stories yet. Unfortunately, after the virus in our computer, my dad said that my bro and I can't download any attachments to e-mail, regardless of who sent it (yeah, I know you wouldn't do anything, but it's the rule). So, if you could post those in the workbook, that would be great and I'll read them ASAP.

To everyone - if you get an e-mail asking you to download something called HAPPY99.EXE, DO NOT download it. This is the virus we got, it is very nasty, hard to clean and unless you recently upgraded your virus scan system, chances are, it won't even be found until it's too late. Just a warning.

Anyway, on the brighter side of things, I'm going to post here a little story about Easter that was passed onto me via e-mail. I know it's a bit early, but I won't be here on Easter - I'll be in Florida. It really touched my heart and I hope you all find it touching too.

Bai bai,
Allein

Story:
"Jeremy 's Egg"
Jeremy was born with a twisted body, a slow mind and a
chronic, terminal illness that had been slowly killing him all his young life. Still, his parents had tried to give him as normal a life as possible and had sent him to St. Theresa's elementary school.
At the age of 12, Jeremy was only in second grade, seemingly unable to learn.
His teacher, Doris Miller, often became exasperated with him.
He would squirm in his seat, drool and make grunting noises. At other times, he spoke clearly and distinctly, as if a spot of light had penetrated the darkness of his brain.
Most of the time, however, Jeremy irritated his teacher. One day, she called his parents and asked them to come to St. Teresa's for a consultation.
As the Foresters sat quietly in the empty classroom, Doris said to them, "Jeremy belongs in a special school. It isn't fair to him to be with younger children who don't have learning problems. Why, there is a five-year gap between his age and that of the other students!"
Mrs. Forrester cried softly into a tissue while her husband spoke. "Miss Miller," he said, "there is no school of that kind nearby. It would be a terrible shock for Jeremy if we had to take him out of this school. We know he really likes it here." Doris sat for a long time after they left, staring at the snow outside the window. Its coldness seemed to seep into her soul. She wanted to sympathize with the Foresters. After all, their only child had a terminal illness. But it wasn't fair to keep him in her class. She had 18 other youngsters to teach and Jeremy was a distraction. Furthermore, he would never learn to read or write. Why waste any more time trying? As she pondered the situation, guilt washed over her. "Oh God," she said aloud, "here I am complaining when my problems are nothing compared with that poor family!
Please help me to be more patient with Jeremy." From that day on, she tried hard to ignore Jeremy 's noises and his blank stares.
Then one day, he limped to her desk, dragging his bad leg behind him. "I love you, Miss Miller," he exclaimed, loudly enough for the whole class to hear. The other children snickered, and Doris's face turned red. She stammered, "wh-why, that's very nice, Jeremy. Now please take your seat."
Spring came, and the children talked excitedly about the coming of Easter. Doris told them the story of Jesus, and then to emphasize the idea of new life springing forth, she gave each of the children a large plastic egg. "Now," she said to them "I want you to take this home and bring it back tomorrow with something inside that shows new life. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Miss Miller!" The children responded enthusiastically - all except for Jeremy. He just listened intently; his eyes never left her face.
He did not even make his usual noises. Had he understood what she had said about Jesus' death and resurrection? Did he understand the assignment? Perhaps she should call his parents and explain the project to them. That evening, Doris' kitchen sink stopped up. She called the landlord and waited an hour for him to come by and unclog it. After that, she still had to shop for groceries, iron a blouse and prepare a vocabulary test for the next day. She completely forgot about phoning Jeremy 's parents.
The next morning, 19 children came to school, laughing and talking as they placed their eggs in the large wicker basket on Miss Miller's desk.
After they completed their math lesson, it was time to open the eggs.
In the first egg, Doris found a flower. "Oh yes, a flower is certainly a sign of new life," she said. "When plants peek through the ground we know that spring is here." A small girl in the first row waved her arms."That's my egg, Miss Miller," she called out.
The next egg contained a plastic butterfly, which looked very real.
Doris held it up. "We all know that a caterpillar changes and turns into a beautiful butterfly. Yes, that is new life, too" little Judy smiled proudly and said, "Miss Miller, that one is mine."
Next Doris found a rock with moss on it. She explained that the moss, too, showed life. Billy spoke up from the back of the classroom. "My daddy helped me!" He beamed. Then Doris opened the fourth egg. She gasped.
The egg was empty! Surely it must be Jeremy 's, she thought, and, of course, he did not understand her instructions. If only she had not forgotten to phone his parents. Because she did not want to embarrass him, she quietly set the egg aside and reached for another.
Suddenly Jeremy spoke up. "Miss Miller, aren't you going to talk about my egg?"
Flustered, Doris replied, "But Jeremy - your egg is empty!" He looked into her eyes and said softly, "Yes, but Jesus' tomb was empty too!"
Time stopped. When she could speak again. Doris asked him, "Do you know why the tomb was empty?" "Oh yes!" Jeremy exclaimed. "Jesus was killed and put in there. Then his Father raised him up!" The recess bell rang. While the children excitedly ran out to the schoolyard, Doris cried. The cold inside her melted completely away.
Three months later Jeremy died. Those who paid their respects at the mortuary were surprised to see 19 eggs on top of his casket,
.....................all of them empty.


If this wonderful story has touched you, pass it on.
Take care and treasure the times with those you love...


Lena feylena@hotmail.com Sun Mar 28 16:31:09 PST 1999

Jerry - Sounds like a fascinating life. I can understand, however, how having nothing to do can very well drive you crazy. There are times you want nothing more than to be left alone, but too much solitude is, well, too much solitude. Welcome to the Notebook, and spare my life if you can... although I have always wanted to write a really good death scene, and it might be kinda fun, in a sick, morbid way, to write my own death scene... hmm.

Kristine - Read your bit in Shadows, liked it very much. Keep going!

I tried to write more for Shadows, but I ended up staring at my computer screen for half an hour, and wrote absolutely nothing. Ah well. I did manage to get some of Corbin (my story) done... I wrote a fascinating description of my main character with a headache. High adventure, I know!

La-de-dah. If I were the Lena of Shadows, I would go off and find myself a good piano to pound on, but I rather think that I, being the sane and boring person I am, shall end up catching up on my calc homework.

Have I ever told you Lena is not my real name? Lena is my nickname, and I prefer to be called Lena, but my true name is Sandra (Sandy). My parents named me after Sandra Dee in the movie "Grease." Yes, yes, from "Grease..." how is that for mass culture infiltrating the lives of potentially creative and individualistic persons?

Please keep calling me Lena. All my friends do.
-Lena

Jack Beslanwitch Sun Mar 28 16:18:59 PST 1999

    p.s. No joy as yet from the Australian Online Bookstore. I have an email out to them to see if they will be stalking the book and if I can get it. I'll keep you posted.


    Second question, especially for any New Yorkers on the Notebook. Does anyone have information on the physical layout on the Cheshire Hotel. An immediate attempt at a web search came up with lots of things on Cheshire Hotel in London and some dead links to Syd Vicious, but not much else. I have some ideas for when my characters and some others get to the hotel and would like to be able to be accurate in my descriptions. Any input would be greatly appreciated. Take care.


Jack Beslanwitch jack@forwriters.com http://www.sfnorthwest.org Sun Mar 28 15:47:54 PST 1999

Allein: Many thanks for alerting me to the problem with the Notebook. Not sure how it transpired that the form component got amputated off the web page, but everything is fine now or I hope so. Post away. Oh, also, heard from Philip. His latest book, Lightning Mine, will be released on March 31. I am assuming since the Australian Online Bookstore has an agreement with Amazon, we should be able to get it through them. Actually, I am going to go directly from here to there and test it out.

Rachel danolson@sprint.ca Sun Mar 28 00:19:51 PST 1999

Kristina Frendlycat@aol.com http://members.aol.com/JLebeck/Jacob.html Sun Mar 28 00:07:16 PST 1999

Hi again! Well, I put up a contribution to shadows! This is the first thing I've written in quite awhile, and I really enjoyed doing it! I think I may work on some poetry this weekend as well. Getting started again is going to be rough, but I figure the best thing to do is just jump right in. I can't improve unless I write some things to improve ON! If I find myself lacking in inspiration, I hope to find some this upcoming Tuesday when my husband and I take a short trip to Kauai. If I didn't mention it I live on the island of Oahu, and this is the only island I have been on so far. Hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend!
Jerry-sounds like you have a very interesting history! My husband and I also hope to settle away from any big cities for the sake of our child(children if all goes well!) glad to know you were able to raise your children as you'd hoped.

"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

Jerry jerrag@sd.cybernex.net http://www.geocities.com/soho/lofts/9304 Sat Mar 27 21:29:47 PST 1999

Where are my manners? Sorry I have yet to properly introduce myself. I am getting old, and will celebrate my 48th birthday this May. I spent most of my working life in service of others, begining with eight years in the U.S. Army, including an all expensed paid year vacation in the Republic of Viet Nam, back in 70-71. When my children became school age, I abandoned the army and the life in the cities of our nation, and retreated to my home in South Dakota, in hopes of giving my children the country life and old home schooling that I recieved. It worked, and although they had been exposed to the hectic life in the cities in their early youth, they grew up with the mid-west outlook on life that I had hoped.

Now don't get me wrong, I realy don't have anything against city life, I must admit I do miss the bright lights from time to time, but the fishing here is great and so are the people.

When I got back here in '77, I found I need a job so applied with the local Police Department, and to my suprise, I was accepted and spent the next seventeen years as a police officer, the last seven of which I served as a Chief of Police. Then one day back in '93, I slipped on the ice getting out of a patrol car, and three surgeries later became disabled. Workers Comp, made every attempt to re-hab me, including sending me back to college. It was while in college (Slightly older than average don't you know) that I found I had an ability and desire to write, and write I did, having some of my essays published in the college magazine, two years in a row, and serving as layout editor, and reporter for the college news paper.

I returned to the working world with a new degree as a paralegal, and working as an office manager for the home office of a local business. Things progressed as they tend to do, and after working eight months, and attending hundreds of hours of physical therapy, the medico's determined that I was no longer able to work at even the lightest job, and put me on the disabled list.

Now it might sound good to some people to just stay at home and do nothing, but after the first week or two, television becomes truely boering and the off button your dearest friend.

Since that time, I have moved from where I was serving as the Chief of Police, back home to South Dakota, and as I have said now work with my computers, and spend a lot of time surffing the web. I also try to write some each day, if nothing else, just some entry into my journal, and fifteen min. of free writing in my notebook, good for the mind and body they tell me.

Anyway, yesterday I traded off my old Dodge Dakota for a slightly newer Chevy 4X4 it is nice to have more power, but I will sure miss my little truck.

Hope I haven't boered your socks off, but that's who I am. Be seeing you in the Shadows.

Jerry

Jerry Ericsson jerrag@sd.cybernex.net http://www.geocities.com/soho/lofts/9304 Sat Mar 27 19:27:00 PST 1999

Hi all, No sorry I don't have a Mac, had one for awile, a fellow I used to do computer work for gave me an old one. I played around with it for a few weeks but there was something un-nerving about a machine that you can't get down to the basic operating system with like you can with a dos/windows machine. I traded it for some side board rails with my brother-in-law, and he gave it to his grand-kids. They are having great fun with it.

I have been playing around with emulators, and do have a Mac emulator called Executor - paly around with that when I get real desperate to do something different. Tonight I am using my little favorite 486 SLC laptop. It works great when my back gives out and I can no longer sit at the "big" machine.

Have been working on my next post for Shadows hope my charcter can contribute to the overall story, and who knows if we all are very careful, nobody will have to die {he he he}

take care.

Allein allein_anderson@hotmail.com http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Hollow/2823 Sat Mar 27 18:17:11 PST 1999

Hiya all.
I didn't feel much like writing today, but felt I'd at least drop in and say hi before I lost all my friends. I had fun ice skating last night. It was cool - I only fell once.

Well, I'm tired, so I'll just leave it at that.
Bai bai,
Allein

Jack Beslanwitch jack@forwriters.com Sat Mar 27 12:57:22 PST 1999

Agsousa: This hotel sounds wonderful. I am going to have to do a web search to see if I can find any more details on the physical layout. The fact that you might have the ghosts of Dylan Thomas walking around, looking over the shoulder of our would be assassin or Syd Vicious or.... hmmm ... this has possibilities.


However, please say April 2 is a virtual April2 and that we do not have to have all our writings in by then real time. I am going to be incommunicado at Norwescon 22 between April 1-4. I very much want to participate in all the fun and add lots to it. Oh, well, this will just mean I will have to pop home and try to check out what is happening and madly scribble away.


Michele: Not to worry about the posts about The Word I have corrected the HTML and the rest of your message is now visible. The problem was missing closed quotes which made things turn out a little weird.

However and this is important if anyone does hear of something like this please send me an email. I would like to add it to my Writers Conferences on forwriters.com. The Word is almost over at this point so there is no point in adding it now, but I will be paying attention to adding it for next year definitely. And if you were privy to this event others might be aware of other local events that might like a link from here. Take care everyone.


agsousa@esoterica.pt Sat Mar 27 10:40:31 PST 1999

Yo. (It means good day in New York ebonics). I'm delighted to see that Shadows already has 92K of great text. I've downloaded to my computer the additions from the weekend, so that I can read them offline and copy them to Word. I will not make any comments today, because I'm in a hurry and in the middle of my sacred week-end.

THE HOTEL IN NEW YORK FOR OUR MEETING IS THE "CHELSEA HOTEL" in the district of the same name. Syd Vicious killed his girl-friend there and Dylan Thomas died there. It has been chosen due to its literary traditions. Mark Twain, Jack Kerouac, etc. stayed there for some time. So we will also like it.
EVERYBODY IS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE ON APRIL THE 2nd, third anniversary of our great notebook — that's the event we are going to commemorate!

Allein: you need not write 30 pages. When I was your age I managed to write 12 pages only. When summer holiday started I always had some twenty ideas for twenty novels in my head. But then I couldn't write more than 12 pages each. Try to beat my record, though.

See you on monday, folks!

Michele michele@sassoonery.demon.co.uk Sat Mar 27 10:28:59 PST 1999

Dratted thing ! I am about to suffer from Net-rage ! Why is this beastly thing doing this ?

I shall email Pnokio...

Michele

Michele michele@sassoonery.demon.co.uk http://www.theword.org.uk Sat Mar 27 09:56:54 PST 1999

I shall try this again (for a 3rd time - sorry Jack !) :

Pnokio

Hi... if you're after a writers group in South London, you could try either your local FE college, or failing that check into the site for The Word - London's International Festival of Literature now happening all over London... the link to the site is
Sat Mar 27 09:55:21 PST 1999

Michele michele@sassoonery.demon.co.uk htttp://www.theword.org.uk Sat Mar 27 09:54:23 PST 1999

I shall try this again :

Pnokio

Hi... if you're after a writers group in South London, you could try either your local FE college, or failing that check into the site for The Word - London's International Festival of Literature now happening all over London... the link to the site is The Word.

All

I have just finished coding the war memorials paper for my web site... I will be adding it to my web site in the near future, when it's done I will add a link to my site to this page so that if you're interested, you can check it out.

It's a gloriously warm, sunny Spring day here - but apparently this weather's not going to last beyond tomorrow - pity really, given that I am having a trip to Oxford on Monday... Sighs I still enjoy Oxford - even in the rain !

After Monday it doesn't matter what the weather does since I shall be chained to my desk writing essays... oh well - the penalties of being a student... it does have its advantages as well though, grins !

Michele

Every great and original writer, in proportion as he is great and original, must himself create the taste by which he is to be relished.
-- William Wordsworth, 1810.

(No sexism intended by me in quoting this one - it applies equally to the female of the species !)

Michele michele@sassoonery.demon.co.uk Sat Mar 27 09:49:27 PST 1999

Dammit ! How did that happen ?

My post has been superimposed over someone else's ! Sorry - that was not the intention !

Drat !

Michele

Michele michele@sassoonery.demon.co.uk http://www.theword.org.uk Sat Mar 27 09:47:43 PST 1999

Pnokio

Hi... if you're after a writers group in South London, you could try either your local FE college, or failing that check into the site for The Word - London's International Festival of Literature now happening all over London... the link to the site is


The Word.

All

I have just finished coding the war memorials paper for my web site... I will be adding it to my web site in the near future, when it's done I will add a link to my site to this page so that if you're interested, you can check it out.